Movies: What Has Gone and What's to Come

I'm back bitches.

Last time, I discussed television, this time around it's all about that "real shit" - the movies. The best and the worst of 2013, and the most anticipated of 2014. So without further a due, let's get started.

Let's begin with a list of the movies, all of the movies, I've had the fortune/misfortune, of viewing this year:

Texas Chainsaw 3D, The Hunt (Jagten), A Haunted House, Gangster Squad, Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters, The Last Stand, Prince Avalanche, Lovelace, John Dies at the End, Noobz, Movie 43, Parker, Bullet to the Head, Stand Up Guys, Warm Bodies, I Give It a Year, Identity Thief, Side Effects, A Good Day to Die Hard, Dark Skies, Snitch, 21 & Over, Jack the Giant Slayer, Stoker, Dead Man Down, Oz the Great and Powerful, Spring Breakers, The Call, The Incredible Burt Wonderstone, Welcome to the Punch, Admission, Olympus Has Fallen, The Croods, G.I. Joe: Retaliation, Trance, The Host, The Place Beyond the Pines, Dragon Ball Z: Battle of Gods, Evil Dead, Oblivion, 42, Disconnect, It’s a Disaster, Scary Movie 5, The Lords of Salem, Iron Man 3, Mud, Pain & Gain, The Big Wedding, The Iceman, What Maisie Knew, Star Trek: Into Darkness, The Great Gatsby, Fast & Furious 6, The English Teacher, The Hangover Part III, Epic, Only God Forgives, After Earth, Byzantium, Now You See Me, The Kings of Summer, The Purge, Hello Herman, Much Ado About Nothing, The Internship, This is the End, Man of Steel, The Bling Ring, Despicable Me 2, Monsters University, World War Z, Redemption, The Heat, White House Down, The Lone Ranger, The Way Way Back, Fruitvale Station, Grown Ups 2, Pacific Rim, Turbo, RED 2, R.I.P.D., The Conjuring, The World’s End, The Wolverine, Blue Jasmine, The To Do List, The Smurfs 2, The Spectacular Now, We’re the Millers, Elysium, Kick-Ass 2, Jobs, Devil’s Pass, Drinking Buddies, Scenic Route, The Lifeguard, About Time, Riddick, Insidious: Chapter 2, Rush, The Family, Enough Said, Battle of the Year, Prisoners, Don Jon, Filth, A.C.O.D., Gravity, Runner Runner, Captain Phillips, Machete Kills, 12 Years a Slave, All is Lost, Carrie, Escape Plan, The Fifth Estate, Ender’s Game, Jackass Presents: Bad Grandpa, The Counselor, Thor: The Dark World, Dallas Buyers Club, Frozen, The Hunger Games: Catching Fire, Homefront, Oldboy, Out of the Furnace, American Hustle, Saving Mr. Banks, The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug, Anchorman 2: The Legend Continues, Her, Grudge Match, The Secret Life of Walter Mitty, The Wolf of Wall Street, August: Osage County, Lone Survivor.

tl;dr This years body count, a lovely 138 films.

With movies, it's always better to start with the bad, then move onto the good. This year there were 36 terrible movies. So, here are my honorable mentions for the worst movies of the year:

Gangster Squad, Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters, The Last Stand, Noobz, Parker, Bullet to the Head, The Call, The Incredible Burt Wonderstone, The Host, The Great Gatsby, The Hangover Part III, The Internship, World War Z, The Lone Ranger, RED 2, R.I.P.D., Jobs, Insidious: Chapter 2, Runner Runner, Machete Kills, Escape Plan, The Fifth Estate, Jackass Presents: Bad Grandpa, The Counselor.

And now, I present to you, the ten worst movies of 2013:

10. Simply put, Dead Man Down is the biggest disappointment of the year. Not only is it a terrible movie where the plot makes absolutely no sense, it makes Colin Ferrell and Terrance Howard look terrible. If you need a reason as to why it was such a disappointment, watch the trailer, which makes it look amazing, then watch the movie. The trailer tells a completely different story than the movie, the trailer tells a better story.

9. I'm not sure I need to explain myself much on this list. Scary Movie 5 proves that the parody film genre has died. I miss Mel Brooks.

8. Texas Chainsaw 3D apparently is a direct sequel to the original Texas Chainsaw Massacre. It takes place twenty years after the original film, while also taking place in the year 2013 simultaneously, isn't that just amazing?

7. A Haunted House... I really miss Mel Brooks.

6. After watching, After Earth, I can safely say I will never pay to see an M. Night Shyamalon movie ever again. He somehow manages to make Will Smith, one of the most charismatic actors alive one of the least charismatic people to ever grace cinema, and then he forces his son, who lacks the experience needed to carry this movie alone, to carry this movie alone.

 

5. Simply put, A Good Day to Die Hard, is not a Die Hard movie. I don't even know what it is. Bruce Willis doesn't try, he's just here to cash a check. There's no character in this, John McClane is only existent by name and appearance, everything else is gone. There's no redeeming quality here.

4. Battle of the Year has no resolution other than the win of the battle of the year. There's no character development. There is no reason to watch this, other than the dance moves. Also Chris Brown.

3. The Smurfs 2... And I thought the first one was bad. I still love you NPH.

2. Grown Ups 2... And I thought the first one was bad. Wait, did I already say that?

1. Movie 43. Hugh Jackman having balls on his chin is the funniest joke in this movie, and that's the skit they open with. This movie, it's just, the worst piece of trash ever made. I feel bad for the actors they blackmailed into this, because their careers are forever tarnished by the worst movie ever made.

Okay, now that that is over with we can move onto the good stuff. Just do me a favor, whatever you do, do not - I repeat, DO NOT- watch Movie 43, it will hurt you, physically hurt you.

The best of the year's honorable mentions:

The Hunt (Jagten), Side Effects, Stoker, Spring Breakers, The Croods, The Place Beyond the Pines, The Lords of Salem, Iron Man 3, Star Trek: Into Darkness, The Kings of Summer, Much Ado About Nothing, This is the End, The Bling Ring, Despicable Me 2 *, The Way Way Back, Pacific Rim, The Conjuring, The World’s End, The Spectacular Now, Rush, Gravity, Captain Phillips, All is Lost, Thor: The Dark World, Frozen, The Hunger Games: Catching Fire, Out of the Furnace, The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug, Anchorman 2: The Legend Continues.

10. American Hustle With all of the bad comedies that went through Hollywood this year, it's pleasing to see that there are at least some that came through that were actually good, let alone fantastic, though most of the good comedies and movies this year, were independent movies, or auteurist.

9. Prisoners is the most beautiful movie I've seen in years. Roger Deakins is a beast behind the camera, he knows exactly how to light and shoot a scene. Everything that could go right went right here.

8. Don Jon Joseph Gordon Levitt, wrote, starred, and directed this. With it being his first directorial appearance I am incredibly impressed and look forward to seeing what more he can do, he clearly knows how to make movies.

7. Dallas Buyers Club - Jared Leto's performance. Matthew McConaughey was great too.

6. Enough Said - That amazing script and dialogue. Also, Julia Luis-Dreyfus is amazing. Not to mention a strong performance from James Gandolfini.

5. About Time - Dat use of time travel, it takes that other time travel movie from last year, Looper, and slaps it across the face.

4. Her a hauntingly beautiful love story between a man and an artificial intelligence unit voiced by Scarlett Johansson. This is just a lovely movie, with some great scenery and an excellent performance by Joaquin Phoenix.

3. Mud The McConaussance continues as McConaughey gives a fantastic performance in this tale about two kids who help a man try to save the girl he loves why he is on the run from the law. While all doesn't work out in the end, this is still a remarkably fantastic film.

2. The Wolf of Wall Street Martin Scorsese's and Leonardo DiCaprio's best movie. Period. No further explanation is needed.

1. 12 Years a Slave this is without a doubt the most haunting movie I've ever seen. On top of the beautiful shooting one comes to expect from director Steve McQueen, the performances are top notch even the brief five minutes of screen time Brad Pitt has. Everything about this movie is what I've come to love in my years of film study.

So there you have it, my top 10 of 2013. There's only one place to go from here, the most anticipated of 2014 list. But first. Have a gif!

 

Well I'm sorry I'm not as entertaining as I used to be. I don't have that many fun stories and right now all I'm doing is watching Monday's finale of Hostages and waiting for my girlfriend to get here. So I decided to write this blog. I've actually been watching other stuff too, I just started the Hostages finale. So yeah, my ten most anticipated of 2014. coming right up, I'm just going to throw the movie posters up, with no real explanations as to why, because it's all personal preference and I don't want to sound redundant in my reasoning, so here, feast your eyes on some upcoming movies, in no particular order:

 

 

 

And those are the ten movies I am looking forward to the most, in no particular order. I got lazy and didn't want to order them, I've been doing enough lists. The listing of things can wait until summer, there's no need to list these. At least I don't feel the need to as I have the same expectations and hopes for all of them, that they'll at least be good.

Now that you've seen all I have to say about the movies of the past, and you can see what I'm looking forward to in the future this blog post is over. Have a video.

Coming Soon to a Computer Screen Near You

I've been debating doing something like this for quite some times, and I finally got around to doing it. With all I do in my personal life, which isn't much of a life to be completely honest, I don't have much free time, and that hurts my writing. So I decided to do this, sort of as a way to get me back in the groove of this whole writing thing. Whether or not that gets me anywhere in this "blog" world - if that is even a thing - or not is a completely different story.

This initial post is really just to let people know that something is coming, in the very near future, and it isn't just winter.

The Rules:

1. Don't be an ass-hat, nobody likes an ass-hat. Ass-hat's are not nice people, they are mean people. Mean people do not belong here, if you are a mean person, please go to a different place where mean people get together and are mean to each other.
2. No dubstep, I don't like dubstep, I don't want to see dubstep. Just... no dubstep. There is only one dubstep I tolerate, and this is that dubstep:

3. If I use improper grammar, please just deal with it. I don't proofread unless I am going for serious publication, or am doing something for a job. This is so that I can vent, and others can read about my terribly boring and silly life. So please, no "Grammar Nazis." 

4. There are no more rules. Even this one isn't a rule, it's just some cliche a lot of people like to put in things to try to be funny, even saying it's a cliche is a cliche now, so much so that saying it's a cliche is also itself a cliche. 

The Expectations:

1. Stuff about my life, what I'm doing, what I've done. Who I've killed, who I've dated, who my best friend is, what I'm writing, what I'm listening to, what I'm watching. All of that, and more, so try not to be bored when reading.
2. Some fun, or not so fun, videos, .GIFs (it's pronounced gif, you know like the way it looks it should be pronounced, not Jiff here. That's a brand of peanut butter) and memes of all kinds. You know, for the kids. And the people with ADD.
3. Stream of thought writing. Again, this is meant to be a place where I vent about life, my life, and thus a lot of what pops into my head will be written down. So it's probably important to take everything I write with a grain of salt and treat it as a not so well thought out opinion. Unless it is a well thought out opinion, in that case, call me out on it. I enjoy a good debate.
4. Hate it, I expect people to hate this. I understand this won't be for everyone, and that some of the things I will say will be very anti the norm. But I also want to use that as a way to begin a discussion, either with me, if you the reader be so willing, or among other people in your own lives.

So until the first actual post comes along, I'll leave you all with another lovely song by Ylvis: