Two Zero One four

So I made it to the end of 2013, and now I'm starting my 2014 blog life. Of course I'm writing this while watching something, Movies this time. Prince Avalanche on Netflix to be specific. It's only just started but it's, so far, really good and I'm looking forward to seeing more of Paul Rudd's dramatic strengths in preparation for his role as Ant-Man in 2015.

I have Elysium loading in the background while I'm working through this. And once I finish Prince Avalanche, and Elysium, I have... eleven movies left - in no particular order:

10. The Hunt
9. The Wolf of Wall Street
8. Dallas Buyers Club
7. The Secret Life of Walter Mitty
6. Rush
5. Her
4. Saving Mr. Banks
3. Riddick
2. 47 Ronin
1. The Counselor

I know what you're thinking, there's only ten movies there. You are correct sir, But my girlfriend is making me wait until at least the ninth, when she comes up to see me, to watch Despicable Me 2, so that's number eleven. Because I watch the majority of movies online. A few of these don't have links yet, so I have no way of watching them, and hope that they get links rather soon. Those few movies are The Wolf of Wall Street, Her, and 47 Ronin.

I have a goal of completing the list of remaining movies before the tenth. Since today is the fourth, that gives me roughly five days to watch eleven movies.

I'm going to stick to my current four movies a day plan, as best I can, but I seem to have kept quite a few two hour movies for last. and that saddens me. It's a lot easier to watch four ninety minute movies than four two hour movies. The latter takes approximately a full two hours longer than the former.

In other news, on a completely unrelated note, there's a bug bite - or something - on my cheek, and it's bugging (pun intended) the ever living shit out of me. Excuse me while I apply ointment to my face.

I wanted my first post of 2014 to be my best and worst of the movies of 2014, so instead I'm going to focus on television. and the best and worst of it.

Let's start with best new show:

These are all of the new shows that started in 2013, of which I have seen the entire season, or at least what they have done so far. I've started a few more shows, but cut them, more on them later.

Hostages
Marvel's Agents of Shield
Brooklyn Nine-Nine
Trophy Wife
The Black List
Derek
Hannibal
Hemlock Grove
Orange is the New Black
Bates Motel
The Americans
House of Cards
Legit
The Following
Da Vinci's Demons
Masters of Sex
Ray Donovan
Siberia
The Bridge
Hello Ladies

Now for the top ten of the new shows:

10. Excellent acting and an excellent cast. Ray Donovan was a rather fun ride, as far as new shows go. It has it's serious flaws but in the end redeems itself and completes its season on a completely rounded point. It did a lot of a better job with its first season than Dexter did with the majority of it's seasons post season four, which is possibly the best season of television ever made. I'm definitely looking forward to season two.

9. This was the first show I watched on Starz, haven't seen Spartacus yet, and I'm going to start Black Sails once that hits at the end of the month on the 25th. Da Vinci's Demons takes a rather interesting look and twist on the life and times of the famed painter. the actor playing Da Vinci is the highlight of the show, and makes it entirely worth watching.

8. My favorite new Comedy of the year. It's basically The Office if it were done as a police procedural. and that's all that really needs to be said about it, especially considering that nearly every other sit-com that came out this past year was a complete bust.

7. This is just a chilling show, taking a look at the origin of Norman Bates' psychopathic behaviors, while also focusing on his high school romances, his brother, and the eerily creepy mother-son relationship. It's the only reason to watch A&E, never mind Duck Dynasty, this is near-perfect television.

6. This was a surprise, I wasn't really thinking I was going to like this as much as I would by the end of the season, which ends on this coming Monday, but at around episode six when things really start going crazy that's when you really start to see the quality of the show and just how well they are dealing with the drama, it just barely beat out Bates Motel. If the season finale isn't quite up to snuff it may drop some too - but I don't think that will happen, I may have to prepare for a let down.

5. The first few episodes were trying to be scary, the rest of the episodes were just unsettling. I love that Kevin Bacon is really broadening his horizons as of late, he seems to be in nearly everything now, and I love it. I'm looking forward to season two which starts up in the coming weeks, just to see what they do and how well they do it. Hopefully they can improve on a rather impressive first season.

4. My God. This show is perfection. The only thing, and I mean the only thing that could make it better is premium cable. If HBO, or Showtime, picked this up, hell even Netflix, nothing would be holding this show back from being the best show out there, and I mean that. The only reason it's my number four is because it is clearly pulling punches because it isn't on one of the big networks that can do next to anything with their programming.

3. Here's some proof that premium cable has free lance to do damn near anything they want. There's nudity in every episode. But that's not why this show is amazing. This show is amazing because of the side plots, all of the goddamn side plots. The last few seconds of the show too, there's just no holding this beast back. The levels of drama packed into this show at times are near unbearable. I won't spoil it because honestly you need to watch it on your own. So go watch it!

2. This is hands down the best female run show ever made. Netflix amazes me with the majority of their original programming, and I'm looking forward to what they have in store for us in the future. Especially the four marvel series with a fifth series following their release. But also the second season of Orange is the New Black, and the second season of my favorite new show...

1. If you know me there could be no other. House of Cards is hands down my favorite new show, and if season two is as good, or better, than season one, it has some serious potential to become one of my favorite shows of all time. Especially if David Fincher remains somewhat involved in the production of the show, possibly even returning to direct a few episodes. The cast is unbelievable, Kevin Spacey is better than ever. It can only go up from here. Bring on season two Valentines Day (or the day after for us non single people) 2014.

And now, the Bottom ten of the new shows:

10. Once Upon a Time is good. It's not great. There's no need for a spin-off, especially one as sappy and poorly made as this one. If you are going to create a world for a show, make sure the cgi that you use doesn't look like it was done in the nineties. I still love you John Lithgow.

9. I was looking forward to this, it looked like a nice rather modern retelling of the classic Dracula tale. However what you get is some boring drama that takes forever to build with no payoff, at least none in the first five episodes.

8. Starts off strong and cannot top it's first few episodes, I like Rebel Wilson, but without a strong supporting cast too, there's no point in watching her try to carry a show she clearly cannot carry on her own. Not to discredit her, not many can carry a show on their own.

7. No. Just. No.

6. Netflix starts with House of Cards, which is fucking amazing, then gives us this. Which is terrible for the most part, it does have amazing werewolf transformation sequences, but other than that, it has nothing. Poor writing, some really bad acting, it's just a bad show, and only got renewed because it was put out after House of Cards and everyone though Netflix would continue to put out amazing products. But there is an exception to every rule, and Hemlock Grove is Netflix's amazing original content exception.

5. It's average, and it could be above average with great ease, especially with this cast. but sadly there aren't many good comedy writers for television on network television.

4. No. I gave it the old college try. But no. never again.

3. NO.

2. NOPE!

1. ABSOLUTELY NOT!!

So those are the new shows. But what were the best and worst of 2013? Well the worst of 2013 is the same exact list as what's shown above. The best however is at least somewhat different.

10. The final season was as stronger than season's five through seven, but escaped reaching farther up this list with an absolutely terrible final episode.

9. Phenomenal first season. Mediocre second season. exceptional third season. Now just to see what season four has to give, especially following that absolutely perfect season finale.

8. My favorite comedy ever keeps getting better. I'm sad that season seven is its final season, and I really don't want it to end like Dexter, with a terrible final episode, but I have the utmost faith in Californication's writers and I know they can deliver. 

7. Like I said, if it weren't for things holding this show back, it would be up higher on this list.

6. That season finale, and this is another show that will be ending in 2014. for the penultimate season this really delivered on every level it could to make me want to see season seven, sooner rather than later. I just wish it could have ended differently.

5. See above.

4. See Above.

3. See above.

2. Of shows currently airing, or with a new season coming up, this is my favorite of those shows. That being said, season three is its strongest season, for many reasons. The only thing I would change about the show in all honesty, is a 12 episode season rather than a 10 episode season, just so I get more Game of Thrones.

1. Fucking pitch perfect ending to the greatest show to ever be on television. I'm not sure if writing can get any better than the writing displayed in Breaking Bad. Why has Bryan Cranston not won the Golden Globe yet, seriously though, just give Breaking Bad all the awards this year, we all know they deserve it. So just do it.

If you're wondering where some shows are, chances are I haven't started them yet, or I don't like that show as much as you do. Such as The Walking Dead, which has become a rather mediocre show as of late, and I have yet to start both Mad Men and Orphan Black. American Horror Story: Coven has yet to blow me away, there's still a few episodes yet, but if it keeps building the way it has it will likely be the strongest season of that show yet. I've yet to start Shameless, House of Lies, and Episodes. Though I'd really, really like to. With the shortened season of Community and it's behind the scenes issues in season four, it gave us its weakest season yet. And while Happy Endings gave a consistently fantastic season, I refuse to acknowledge that shows existence in a list form because that seems to be what everyone else is doing, and I just have to blend in so that I am taken seriously (in all seriousness it would be like number 11 on my best of this year list). True Blood, gave us a stronger season, but not strong enough, same with The Newsroom and Arrested Development's season four Netflix return. Derek would place at about 11 on the new shows of the year, and Doctor Who at about 12 for shows of the year. I'm still upset over the finale of Boardwalk Empire, despite it being one of the shows best seasons, it just barely missed the list because of so many amazing other seasons of shows this year that were frankly just better, The Bridge and The Americans would have take 15 and 12 on the best new shows list. While The Legend of Korra would have taken 13 for the best shows of the year. I don't feel the need to explain myself anymore. So here, have a .gif that explains how exhausted I am:

And since Elysium is over now, yes, this took that long. I'm going to go get something to drink now, go into my room, and wait for my girlfriend to call me on Skype. That's it, blog post over. Have a video:

12 Years in the Dark World : the GIFtastic Blog Post

See what I did there? With the title? I combined 12 Years a Slave with Thor: The Dark World. I bet you wish you were that clever.

Truth be told I recently watched this episode and then went right out to find this gif. Then I found this:

and then I said "this is totally going in my blog!"

So, this past weekend I saw both of these fantastic movies. Fantastic in their own merits, one was your typical Hollywood blockbuster, and as an avid comic book viewer/reader/scholar I just love these movies for all the right (wrong?) reasons. But let's discuss Thor first, and then tackle the big bad 12 Years.

Oh yeah, Spoilers.

First things first, Thor: The Dark World is the better film of the two Thor movies so far. For quite a few reasons too. Now to list them, for your viewing pleasure:

1. An increased strong female presence 
2. Not too much Loki, with the set up to a more Loki centered Thor movie, or even Loki spinoff
3. A good balance of action and comedy
4. Guardians of the Galaxy teaser

And now to tackle each of these points, one by one. First, the increased strong female presence. Natalie Portman's Jane Foster, is a integral part of the narrative, and she isn't just the damsel in distress archetype or the throwaway love interest she came off as in the first film. She, like Pepper did in Iron Man 3 helps to vanquish the "big bad" in the films climax, only not actually defeating him like Pepper did. It, in my opinion, is the single strongest role a female has had in the marvel movies, let alone a comic book movie, arguably second to Black Widow. She even slaps Loki, the villain of both Thor and The Avengers.

Help, it's mesmerizing. I think this proves that slap GIF's are the best GIF's.

and now... a few more slap GIF's to prove this irrefutable fact:

Kat Denning's character from the first film also has a larger presence, though not as huge. Lady Sif (and the Warrior's Three) and Frigga even take side seats despite being the bad-asses they are, this movie is more a Jane/Thor/Loki triple feature, and I loved every minute of it. If this is any indication of the way women character are going to be treated in these movies, the future looks bright. Now if only they'll give me a female super hero movie, I fear we may never get a solo Wonder Woman picture, at least there's that Netflix series on Jessica Jones coming soon (2015 soon).

Lookie, I has a source.

Now for point two, there wasn't too much Loki in it. He wasn't overused or over done. While this may upset the fan girls/boys I have no complaints. Hell, the conclusion of the film hints that Loki may get the focus of Thor 3 or even his own Spinoff movie. A boy can dream right? The good balance of action and comedy point sort of speaks for itself, as does point four. The first post credits scene is a tease for the upcoming 2014 Guardians of the Galaxy film which is going to be amazing guys, for serious.

The final fight sequence in particular constantly flips from comedy to action, seamlessly merging the two into one sequence without one overpowering the other. Thor's Hammer, Mjölnir, is thrown at some point in the conflict and several minutes of the ensuing fight is spent thinking with portals.

Thor goes through the portal narrowly missing the hammer, transporting himself across the universe, the hammer misses the portal and chases after him through space. Thor goes through another portal back to Earth and the hammer turns back around to get to Thor. It's the perfection of comedic timing.

As far as the stuff I didn't like, and the reasons why I'm going to deduct some points. are the points where they stray too far from their source material that the Thor movie universe is too dissimilar to the (at least current) comic universe. Frigga dies in the movie, and it is assumed that Loki even kills Odin, leaving himself in charge of Asgard. In the comics Frigga, following Odin's death, takes over rule of Asgard, and Frigga is a straight up bad-ass. But they went and killed her off, leaving little to no possibility (magic aside) of her taking over Asgard. It is because the world may never know the full extent of Frigga's bad-assery that I am deducting a few points.

Thor: The Dark World gets an 8.5/10

No list for discussion on this film, not because it was a bad film, no, in no possible ways was this a bad film. It was most certainly "The best" film I've seen this year. Visually this film has no equal yet, this year. This blows Prisoners out of the water, and remember how much I loved the visual aesthetics of that film. But seriously, if 12 Years a Slave were food, I wouldn't want to share it. I wouldn't want to share it so much, I'd become Joey Tribbiani.

That's how good this movie is. The shot's in it alone are masterfully crafted. As one would come to expect from Steve McQueen, whom in my opinion is one of the world's greatest living director's. So it's no real surprise that I loved this film. There's one shot in particular that alone deserves an Oscar. Just give it to someone for Pete's sake (and he returns, damn you Pete), if this gets snubbed I will lose all faith in the academy, all my faith.

The shot occurs when the films protagonist is left hanging in a tree, with his feet touching the ground. The camera remains in one place, as he hangs there, slowly shuffling his feet and spinning ever so slightly around. All this while time elapses in the background as if nothing happens. It's so physically painful to watch.

I seriously had trouble getting comfortable watching the movie. Not because the film made me necessarily uncomfortable, but because it basically rendered me unable to move. Which is apparently a thing. It's not a bad thing mind you, it's actually a good thing if I say so myself. Really it is, I just had to wait for scene transitions in order to adjust my position because I was so damn engrossed in the text of the film, which hasn't happened in quite a long time (the last time being with Fincher's The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo a few years back - which reminds me, Fincher, get on board with The Girl Who Played with Fire already). I still prefer the lighting of Prisoners to the lighting of 12 Years. Prisoners visually, in a lighting manner, is superior to 12 Years, that is likely because 12 Years goes for a "natural lighting" aesthetic to add more grit to it. Prisoner's is clearly key lit, in most of it's shots, a few remain without major lighting whatsoever, but that is all for the effect of that shot. I still love you Roger Deakins, but Bobbitt (12 Years' cinematographer) and McQueen are absolute master's of the craft.

There isn't much more I can say on 12 Years because I really don't want to spoil the plot - unlike Thor which I don't really care about spoiling. The performances are excellent across the board, even the minor roles are fantastic. Go see it. Now. Go. Like seriously. Go.

12 Years a Slave gets a 10/10

So, fun story. Friday night, technically Saturday morning, after watching Thor, my suite mate - the one who plays all the call of duty, is incredibly socially awkward, and is annoying, posted the following status on his Facebook: "It's sad to say this is my last night here at the college. And I still can't bring myself to terms to tell my roommates the news..." In confusion I went to tell my other suite mate about said Facebook status, I then went to go to bed. Roughly twenty minutes later, the two of them were talking in his room (the annoying one's room), which is next to mine, and I went out to see. He apparently wasn't doing too hot, no real surprise considering all he did was play video games, but seriously, he wasted nearly two and a half years of his life - he was a Junior. How the fuck can you be so irresponsible. Honestly.

College, as far as I have experienced, is not tough. It's not challenging. Especially when you don't do the party scene like I do. He even did less than I do outside of the dorm. I mean it's general knowledge...

... that you shouldn't play video games for ten hours a day every day, adding extra hours on weekends. It's just not good for you. Sure it's fun. But it's not fucking worth it. Especially when you've just managed to accrue quite the debt, that will most likely befall on your parents, because you lack the education to get a more respectable job, and you lack the social skills to get a "lesser" job. But come on man, it's just so damn stupid, I cannot believe your mom is okay with this, and I hope you do read this because someone needs to tell you that you are making a huge fucking mistake. For all the times I was picking on you, I apologize, but know man, that you needed help and that's sort of a form of correctional education. You pick on someone for doing something until they stop doing that thing. Yes, it's bullying, yes it was done to me, yes I stopped. But man, you can't even order your own food. You can't call a goddamn pizza place, say I want a large cheese pizza, and deliver it to Town Home X, thanks, bye, click. How in the world are you going to last in the real world on your own. I'm assuming you aren't. I'm assuming that you will be living with your parents for the foreseeable future. Which is fine, as I will be doing that until I get a car, then I'm moving as soon as possible, but I'm also assuming this will be rent free. Which isn't fine.

In ways I'm glad he's gone. In others, I'm not. He still needs help with his social skills, and it's clear by the way he is, he isn't getting that from his home. But I figured that I would wake up at noon with time to say good bye to him, considering he was still awake at three in the fucking morning. But no, noon comes along and he's gone. He did leave me a bag of Salt and Vinegar chips. Which were delicious. Thank you. But still you're stupid.

I have no choice to digress or this is going to last forever. You want to ruin your life, because you don't want to do the college thing anymore, fine by me, I'm not going to stop you. I just hope you manage to develop proper social skills and do well out there. Good luck, you're going to fucking need it.

I apologize to my other two suite mates, you are not idiots. This is directed to the drop-out and the people enabling him.

Hell, I am a firm believer of live and let live, but I'll be damned before I let this slide without my opinions being put out there somewhere so that there's a chance for the immediate party to see what I have to say. But this is so fucking stupid, I can't bring myself to get over it. It's like he came here for two and a half goddamn years, just to sit on his fucking ass and do nothing, all while thinking he was just going to slide right on through college. How fucking stupid can you be. GOD. I quit. I give up. I give the fuck up.

I apologize to the haters of the word "fuck." Please understand that it is a brilliant word that can be used in so many ways. It is perhaps the most versatile word in the human language. As someone who does not subscribe you a dogma, I don't believe in the concept of "Curse Words" or "Dirty Words." 

I'm just going to end this here, because honestly if I continue, it's just going to go right on back to my rant about how stupid he was for leaving. So here's a video on the aforementioned "F" word. If it offends you, you may not want to watch it. If it doesn't, then play the fucking video for fuck's sake, what the fuck are you waiting for.