Sorry for the Delay

Okay, I'm not really sorry. I just forgot, okay.

By the way, expect to see a lot more 60's Spider-Man memes. I've amassed a collection.

So, what is there to talk about. College is almost over - oh shit, I haven't written about how the academic dishonesty thing turned out, my bad. So, it... didn't. maybe I need to elaborate. I didn't win. It doesn't really bother me - but I do still need to figure out how to pay for the summer course I'll be taking if the bill is due before May - I should probably check that... It doesn't say. Oh, well.

So yeah, I sort of went back on my words from... two(?) weeks ago. I decided to just take an online summer course through Brockport to get it all over and done with, then possibly onto film school (New York Film Academy's online screenwriting program), eventually. With the possibility of actually going to a film school, Chicago, NYFA, Toronto in the greater future. The main reason I decided to take this route was simply that it was by far the easiest route. Going through a community college or different school I would have had to apply and wait for an acceptance letter, and I do not have time for that. Well I do, I'm just much to lazy to do so.

Speaking of lazy, I still have to read 38 pages of a children's book, Feathers, for my Children's lit class. I decided to write this instead of doing that. I'll get to that as soon as I'm done here. I promise, I just can't write this and read a book at the same time. I only have two hands, and two eyes.

I got my graduation tickets today. It's sort of hitting me slowly that one, I'm getting old, and two, college is almost over. I mean, I've had that feeling since the start of last semester, back in like August. But now, it's almost as if it's really happening (as if it hadn't been before now). There are however a few things other than school I'd like to talk about. Bear with me.

First, my girlfriend and I celebrated our five month anniversary yesterday. I honestly couldn't be happier. I know I say this in practically every blog since the end of November, but it's true. Next month is our six month. Our half a year.

 

Perhaps I do overdo, the "I love my girlfriend" stuff, but I can't help it. On now to the summer movies talk, as Summer movie season is swiftly approaching, the first of them coming at the end of next week, which honestly will be my next blog post, in the form of a rather extensive review of The Amazing Spider-Man 2. I feel the need to return to form in the way I review movies. I've simplified it, and got a bit more extensive with Captain America: The Winter Soldier. But nothing beats the way I reviewed M. Night Shyamalan's The Last Airbender. Now that was extensive... I think I posted it on like Flixster, here. 

Essentially, for those who didn't click on the link, I break down my opinions on the various aspects of the film. I wrote it before I started my minor in Film Studies, I saw it around opening week, while it was still in theaters (late 2010 I believe) with a high school friend of mine, Shawn. So the film terminology and what-not would not have been with me, and the review likely doesn't sound as sophisticated as it would if I were to write it now, which I am not going to take the time to do, as it would require me to re-watch the film. Which is my only unforgivable sin.

Back to the Summer movie talk. May is a big month, let's break down the coming months of summer, talking briefly about each of the following movies, all of which will be reviewed in later blog posts.

May 2: The Amazing Spider-Man 2

The sequel to my favorite of the Spider-Man films. Yes, that includes any and all of Sam Raimi's original trilogy. Yes, I personally felt as though The Amazing Spider-Man (2012) was better than Spider-Man 2 (2004). I've yet to have read any of the recent Superior Spider-Man comics, but it still holds that Spider-Man is one of my favorite heroes. I could relate to Peter Parker, and that's something that for me, the first three films lacked, I was never able to relate to Maguire's portrayal of Peter, and his portrayal of Spider-Man was horrendous (natural web shooters aside). I needed my nerd who gets super-powers and thus becomes cocky. I didn't want the boring, always for some reason out-of-touch Peter that was given to us in those first few films. Yes, Andrew Garfield does not necessarily look the part of a nerd, but so what, at least he acts the latter which is what I wanted out of the original films.

On May 9 I may see Neighbors, but I probably won't do a review of it, unless it's as amazing as Rotten Tomatoes and it's current 100% status suggest.

May 16: Godzilla

  

I'm not sure this movie could be any more hyped than it is. It's the biggest Godzilla to date, it features more than one Kaiju, and they well likely fight, and Bryan freakin' Cranston is in it. I'd be lying if I didn't say this is the movie I am most looking forward to seeing.

 

May 23: X-Men: Days of  Future Past

The Days of Future Past storyline is fantastic, and while the film, like all of the other X-Men movies have been doing, is taking liberties with it, I can't wait to see the end result. Especially considering it's setting up for the future X-Men: Apocalypse.

 

May 30:  A Million Ways to Die in the West

I'm a big fan of Seth MacFarlane, and I loved Ted. Now that MacFarlane is actually in front of the camera too, rather than just providing the voice to a character makes things more interesting. Maleficent also opens on May 30, though I don't really care much for that one, but I likely will see it at some point.

June 13: 22 Jump Street and How to Train Your Dragon 2

This day will forever be renamed the day of the sequels as I will. I repeat I WILL. Watch both of them opening night (whether I pay for both of them is another story). 21 Jump Street (2012) was and still is one of my favorite comedies, and How to Train Your Dragon (2010) is my favorite animated movie.

June 27: Transformers: Age of Extinction

Let it be known that despite my qualms with every Transformers movie after the first, that I'm actually looking forward to another one. I may not agree with Bay, or his directing style, but he knows how to get me interested and hoping that he'll do it right this time around.

 

July 11: Dawn of the Planet of the Apes

The only movie I'll likely review in July, though Jupiter Ascending and The Purge: Anarchy do have my interests. The first one was excellent, and this one, judging from trailers, looks to be even better. I am sad that they've killed off James Franco's character (source) even if I get to see him die, but the rest of the cast in this is phenomenal.

 

August 1: Guardians of the Galaxy

As one of the few people that knows who these guys are I cannot possibly stress how excited I am for this movie. And considering that Gunn directed and wrote the fantastic Super, only makes me more excited for this. Also, Rocket Raccoon.

 

July 8: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and Lucy

My last two-fer of the Summer. Admittedly I don't care much for the new Turtles movie, I'm still interested in seeing it. Lucy I'll likely see opening weekend. TMNT, the week after or sooner if I'm up for it.

Man, this is a long post, though I feel as though it's missing something.

 

Perfect.

Okay, now it feels complete. I'll be back in a week or so - either this weekend or next. If the latter comes first I'll have a Spider-Man review in tow. Here, have a non-Spider-Man related video.

Two Zero One four

So I made it to the end of 2013, and now I'm starting my 2014 blog life. Of course I'm writing this while watching something, Movies this time. Prince Avalanche on Netflix to be specific. It's only just started but it's, so far, really good and I'm looking forward to seeing more of Paul Rudd's dramatic strengths in preparation for his role as Ant-Man in 2015.

I have Elysium loading in the background while I'm working through this. And once I finish Prince Avalanche, and Elysium, I have... eleven movies left - in no particular order:

10. The Hunt
9. The Wolf of Wall Street
8. Dallas Buyers Club
7. The Secret Life of Walter Mitty
6. Rush
5. Her
4. Saving Mr. Banks
3. Riddick
2. 47 Ronin
1. The Counselor

I know what you're thinking, there's only ten movies there. You are correct sir, But my girlfriend is making me wait until at least the ninth, when she comes up to see me, to watch Despicable Me 2, so that's number eleven. Because I watch the majority of movies online. A few of these don't have links yet, so I have no way of watching them, and hope that they get links rather soon. Those few movies are The Wolf of Wall Street, Her, and 47 Ronin.

I have a goal of completing the list of remaining movies before the tenth. Since today is the fourth, that gives me roughly five days to watch eleven movies.

I'm going to stick to my current four movies a day plan, as best I can, but I seem to have kept quite a few two hour movies for last. and that saddens me. It's a lot easier to watch four ninety minute movies than four two hour movies. The latter takes approximately a full two hours longer than the former.

In other news, on a completely unrelated note, there's a bug bite - or something - on my cheek, and it's bugging (pun intended) the ever living shit out of me. Excuse me while I apply ointment to my face.

I wanted my first post of 2014 to be my best and worst of the movies of 2014, so instead I'm going to focus on television. and the best and worst of it.

Let's start with best new show:

These are all of the new shows that started in 2013, of which I have seen the entire season, or at least what they have done so far. I've started a few more shows, but cut them, more on them later.

Hostages
Marvel's Agents of Shield
Brooklyn Nine-Nine
Trophy Wife
The Black List
Derek
Hannibal
Hemlock Grove
Orange is the New Black
Bates Motel
The Americans
House of Cards
Legit
The Following
Da Vinci's Demons
Masters of Sex
Ray Donovan
Siberia
The Bridge
Hello Ladies

Now for the top ten of the new shows:

10. Excellent acting and an excellent cast. Ray Donovan was a rather fun ride, as far as new shows go. It has it's serious flaws but in the end redeems itself and completes its season on a completely rounded point. It did a lot of a better job with its first season than Dexter did with the majority of it's seasons post season four, which is possibly the best season of television ever made. I'm definitely looking forward to season two.

9. This was the first show I watched on Starz, haven't seen Spartacus yet, and I'm going to start Black Sails once that hits at the end of the month on the 25th. Da Vinci's Demons takes a rather interesting look and twist on the life and times of the famed painter. the actor playing Da Vinci is the highlight of the show, and makes it entirely worth watching.

8. My favorite new Comedy of the year. It's basically The Office if it were done as a police procedural. and that's all that really needs to be said about it, especially considering that nearly every other sit-com that came out this past year was a complete bust.

7. This is just a chilling show, taking a look at the origin of Norman Bates' psychopathic behaviors, while also focusing on his high school romances, his brother, and the eerily creepy mother-son relationship. It's the only reason to watch A&E, never mind Duck Dynasty, this is near-perfect television.

6. This was a surprise, I wasn't really thinking I was going to like this as much as I would by the end of the season, which ends on this coming Monday, but at around episode six when things really start going crazy that's when you really start to see the quality of the show and just how well they are dealing with the drama, it just barely beat out Bates Motel. If the season finale isn't quite up to snuff it may drop some too - but I don't think that will happen, I may have to prepare for a let down.

5. The first few episodes were trying to be scary, the rest of the episodes were just unsettling. I love that Kevin Bacon is really broadening his horizons as of late, he seems to be in nearly everything now, and I love it. I'm looking forward to season two which starts up in the coming weeks, just to see what they do and how well they do it. Hopefully they can improve on a rather impressive first season.

4. My God. This show is perfection. The only thing, and I mean the only thing that could make it better is premium cable. If HBO, or Showtime, picked this up, hell even Netflix, nothing would be holding this show back from being the best show out there, and I mean that. The only reason it's my number four is because it is clearly pulling punches because it isn't on one of the big networks that can do next to anything with their programming.

3. Here's some proof that premium cable has free lance to do damn near anything they want. There's nudity in every episode. But that's not why this show is amazing. This show is amazing because of the side plots, all of the goddamn side plots. The last few seconds of the show too, there's just no holding this beast back. The levels of drama packed into this show at times are near unbearable. I won't spoil it because honestly you need to watch it on your own. So go watch it!

2. This is hands down the best female run show ever made. Netflix amazes me with the majority of their original programming, and I'm looking forward to what they have in store for us in the future. Especially the four marvel series with a fifth series following their release. But also the second season of Orange is the New Black, and the second season of my favorite new show...

1. If you know me there could be no other. House of Cards is hands down my favorite new show, and if season two is as good, or better, than season one, it has some serious potential to become one of my favorite shows of all time. Especially if David Fincher remains somewhat involved in the production of the show, possibly even returning to direct a few episodes. The cast is unbelievable, Kevin Spacey is better than ever. It can only go up from here. Bring on season two Valentines Day (or the day after for us non single people) 2014.

And now, the Bottom ten of the new shows:

10. Once Upon a Time is good. It's not great. There's no need for a spin-off, especially one as sappy and poorly made as this one. If you are going to create a world for a show, make sure the cgi that you use doesn't look like it was done in the nineties. I still love you John Lithgow.

9. I was looking forward to this, it looked like a nice rather modern retelling of the classic Dracula tale. However what you get is some boring drama that takes forever to build with no payoff, at least none in the first five episodes.

8. Starts off strong and cannot top it's first few episodes, I like Rebel Wilson, but without a strong supporting cast too, there's no point in watching her try to carry a show she clearly cannot carry on her own. Not to discredit her, not many can carry a show on their own.

7. No. Just. No.

6. Netflix starts with House of Cards, which is fucking amazing, then gives us this. Which is terrible for the most part, it does have amazing werewolf transformation sequences, but other than that, it has nothing. Poor writing, some really bad acting, it's just a bad show, and only got renewed because it was put out after House of Cards and everyone though Netflix would continue to put out amazing products. But there is an exception to every rule, and Hemlock Grove is Netflix's amazing original content exception.

5. It's average, and it could be above average with great ease, especially with this cast. but sadly there aren't many good comedy writers for television on network television.

4. No. I gave it the old college try. But no. never again.

3. NO.

2. NOPE!

1. ABSOLUTELY NOT!!

So those are the new shows. But what were the best and worst of 2013? Well the worst of 2013 is the same exact list as what's shown above. The best however is at least somewhat different.

10. The final season was as stronger than season's five through seven, but escaped reaching farther up this list with an absolutely terrible final episode.

9. Phenomenal first season. Mediocre second season. exceptional third season. Now just to see what season four has to give, especially following that absolutely perfect season finale.

8. My favorite comedy ever keeps getting better. I'm sad that season seven is its final season, and I really don't want it to end like Dexter, with a terrible final episode, but I have the utmost faith in Californication's writers and I know they can deliver. 

7. Like I said, if it weren't for things holding this show back, it would be up higher on this list.

6. That season finale, and this is another show that will be ending in 2014. for the penultimate season this really delivered on every level it could to make me want to see season seven, sooner rather than later. I just wish it could have ended differently.

5. See above.

4. See Above.

3. See above.

2. Of shows currently airing, or with a new season coming up, this is my favorite of those shows. That being said, season three is its strongest season, for many reasons. The only thing I would change about the show in all honesty, is a 12 episode season rather than a 10 episode season, just so I get more Game of Thrones.

1. Fucking pitch perfect ending to the greatest show to ever be on television. I'm not sure if writing can get any better than the writing displayed in Breaking Bad. Why has Bryan Cranston not won the Golden Globe yet, seriously though, just give Breaking Bad all the awards this year, we all know they deserve it. So just do it.

If you're wondering where some shows are, chances are I haven't started them yet, or I don't like that show as much as you do. Such as The Walking Dead, which has become a rather mediocre show as of late, and I have yet to start both Mad Men and Orphan Black. American Horror Story: Coven has yet to blow me away, there's still a few episodes yet, but if it keeps building the way it has it will likely be the strongest season of that show yet. I've yet to start Shameless, House of Lies, and Episodes. Though I'd really, really like to. With the shortened season of Community and it's behind the scenes issues in season four, it gave us its weakest season yet. And while Happy Endings gave a consistently fantastic season, I refuse to acknowledge that shows existence in a list form because that seems to be what everyone else is doing, and I just have to blend in so that I am taken seriously (in all seriousness it would be like number 11 on my best of this year list). True Blood, gave us a stronger season, but not strong enough, same with The Newsroom and Arrested Development's season four Netflix return. Derek would place at about 11 on the new shows of the year, and Doctor Who at about 12 for shows of the year. I'm still upset over the finale of Boardwalk Empire, despite it being one of the shows best seasons, it just barely missed the list because of so many amazing other seasons of shows this year that were frankly just better, The Bridge and The Americans would have take 15 and 12 on the best new shows list. While The Legend of Korra would have taken 13 for the best shows of the year. I don't feel the need to explain myself anymore. So here, have a .gif that explains how exhausted I am:

And since Elysium is over now, yes, this took that long. I'm going to go get something to drink now, go into my room, and wait for my girlfriend to call me on Skype. That's it, blog post over. Have a video:

My (Not So Epic) Return - A Brief History of My Life - Part Tres

In case you haven't noticed - and let's be honest, you probably haven't - This is my first post in a few weeks. What makes this post even better is that I decided to do it on Christmas Eve, for whatever reason. If you've read the previous two installments of "A Brief History of My Life" then you know that I haven't led a very charming life, but if you've read my rather more recent posts, you can see that my outlook has changed, practically turning on a dime. The main thing I missed in part two was my high school graduation, and the senior class trip to Washington D.C.

So let's get this final part of the "brief history of my life" party started.

The end of high school, especially the last few months, were by far, the best moments of high school. Words literally can not describe how much better high school got towards the end. People stopped giving a shit about clicks, and it turned into this whole "we're all leaving" sort of thing, and nobody - for the most part - carried any grudges any more. But then you know, the real grudges started with the people that actually can't get over high school. You know the people on Facebook that always complain about the drama in their life that they always seem to create for themselves. They're usually also the one's who complain about people complaining.

There isn't much I can say about the end of my senior year really, that isn't too bland, and now that I am a senior in college about to enter his final semester...

So yeah, my final semester of college is coming up, right at the end of January, and I am not exactly prepared. I mean, I definitely feel ready, I just don't know how productive I'll be. I'm still one of the least productive people I know. I'm lazy as shit.

Like seriously, I'm super lazy. Do you want to know what I've been doing all break so far? Well I'm going to tell you anyways, I've watched nearly forty movies, and two whole episodes of the wire, as well as staying on top of the other shows I watch. Thankfully my mom doesn't really care about Christmas decorations - and neither do I, so that all worked out and I haven't had do decorate at all, and that makes me happy.

And other than that, my time has been spent Skypeing (Skyping?) with my girlfriend because she's like a six hour drive away. I feel the need to segue to just talking about college so far, then you know, returning to the sappy I have a wonderful girlfriend stuff.

Okay, not completely different, this was more just for those nice segue's...

So, my college orientation thing didn't go all too well, I got sick and had to go home. But then, the first day of Freshman year, I got to meet Luke, Matt, and... Josh. Remember when I was talking about Jake, and how annoying and stupid he was? Josh was Jake times ten. I have stories, but honestly if I start, this blog will take hours to read, and nobody wants that. So I'll just stick to one story. *clears throat*

I was on my way back from class, and about to enter my room when I'm hearing a sort of squeal or screech, confused I slowly open the door, not prepared at all for the horrors I was about to witness. There in the common room, is Josh, in all of his glory, flapping his arms and squawking as if  he were a pterodactyl with Luke sitting near him watching. So I take half a step into the room, witness this, he stops, Luke looks at me and sees the "I'm confused as fuck" look on my face, and commences dying of laughter as I just shake my head and leave the room. I needed to prepare myself before going back in there, I was so lost, I had no idea what was going on, and I didn't really want to know, I'm fairly certain it was Josh just doing his best aerial prehistoric dinosaur impression, I mean, this wasn't the last time he did the squawk, nor the arm flapping. But in all seriousness, talking to Josh makes you feel like this:

Freshman year ended with a prank war between Luke and Matt. Which included duct-taping chairs to beds, candy being littered across the room, cereal in pillows, and the language and password change on Luke's iPod that he didn't notice until he was in flight back home. The best prank though was done on Josh, just hours before I myself was leaving. Luke was already gone, and Josh was leaving, and Matt had gotten a few slices of pizza from trax, it's "fast food" that isn't so fast, and a bit healthier for you, and decided that while Josh was downstairs loading up his car, he would throw a slice of pizza into one of his bins, which I believe contained his bed sheets. I could be wrong. Essentially though, that was my last day of freshman year.

And then sophomore year came along, and I roomed this time with Brad, Luke was in Gordon by his lonesome, he went to London during the second semester though, so he can't really complain, and Matt was rooming with Chuck, Brad's freshman year roommate. Brad and I were living in the high rises, specifically Briggs, they're ten story buildings containing four rooms of six people on each floor. However for the first semester we only really had five people, as one moved out on like day one. and then in the second semester it was really just Brad and I for the weekend, there was a third who came in and lived with us Monday through Thursday nights, but then went home every weekend. Forgive me for not knowing their names, we weren't the most social bunch. Nothing really happened that year, in college, but outside I did both gain and lose my first girl friend, who then took me back for like two months during my Junior year.

Random Gif:

Junior year now rear's it's ugly head. If I had to pick a year of college I hated the most, it's my junior year. Aside from like three classes. Most of it was just, straight boring, and dealing with more stupid people. I've told my Jake stories, and I don't want to tell any more Jake stories, because I'm just going to get mad and I don't want to get mad. So moving on. The second half of the year  I got back together with my ex. And then my last night in Brockport for that year, I was ready to go home, see her, and do things, like any good boyfriend would, but there I was working on my Screenplay, minding my own business when i get a text message from her, breaking up with me.

I enjoy these things people make, I mean, who saves their girlfriend in their phone as just "GF<3"?

Of course it wasn't as comical as that. And I have since managed to forgive her for the way she did it, and while we haven't really hung out since and I did have feelings for her, the way she handled that breakup, not even calling me, it just broke me - I mean she called me to confirm my friends death during that summer, but didn't call to say, "hey, I'd like to see other people, no hard feelings bro. 'Kay thanks, bye." So Junior year, saw the return of Luke as my roommate, and Brad remained a suite mate now rooming with Jake. And Senior year we moved into the Town Homes, which is still four people living together but now in four separate single rooms.

Senior year, has not only been the best year of college so far, but it has officially capped off the greatest year of my life. Living in the Town Homes is fantastic. And after Jake dropped out, it got better, but now that Chuck is moving in, I'm not sure how good it can stay. The best thing about the day Jake moved out is that it was the day I met my girlfriend (who just may be the love of my life), Katie, that very same day. Funny enough we met going to see Twelve Years a Slave, you know, this movie:

Imagine that conversation with your child...

Kid: "Daddy, how did you meet mommy?"

Dad: "Well son, we met at a movie."

Kid: "What movie daddy?"

Dad: "well, er, um.... I'll tell you when you're older"

Much older kid: "So dad, what was that movie you met mom at?"

Dad: "12 Years a Slave son."

Much older kid: "That movie about the horrors of slavery that is incredibly hard to watch?"

Dad: "Yes, that movie."

Much older kid: "That's where you -"

Dad: "Yes! That's where I met your mother, I know it's strange, you don't have to tell me."

Much older kid: "that's -"

Dad: "I said shut up about it!"

END SCENE

And I guess that brings me to now, I have this whole new outlook on life, and I have to figure out how to write this blog with this new outlook. Because it all started as a form of catharsis, but I don't need it any more, and that's why it's been so long. I don't have the need to vent out my emotions. If anything this will become something of a story telling and movie/television discussion blog. My cathartic need for this blog is effectively over.

Christmas is tomorrow, I get to see (most of) my family, and then on the eleventh when we do our second Christmas, for those who couldn't make the first one, I get to bring Katie and she gets to meet my lovably dysfunctional family. 

Without further a due. This post is over, I hope you enjoyed this post as much as I didn't. Here, have a video, or two: