Hi, I'm Tom Holmes, an aspiring author of stories, films, and the such. I'm a recent graduate of the State University of New York the College at Brockport with a Creative Writing Major and Film Studies Minor. I'm a bit of a socially awkward cinephile forced to lock myself away for days just to watch that next season of [insert show title here] that's just been added to Netflix. I hope you enjoy this terrible blog.
Before I start, and really get into the meat of this. I just have to state how stressful my life has been the past few months. Currently I owe my bank roughly 230 dollars. I've missed the past few months rents on time, totaling $100 (50 for my half, so not as bad) in late fees. I have under 10 dollars in my bank account right now. But, next month, since I get paid thrice, I may not be in this hole and will at least not have that stress on me. God damn it though, this election. This God forsaken election has just been the absolute worst. I'm not about to drivel on about how we made the wrong choice, or how it should have been Bernie (which it should have! #StillFeelingtheBern), but I am going to talk - Just talk - About how terrible we are as people. Buckle up. This may be a long one.
I try my best to avoid being cynical, but it's seemingly in my nature and I can't help it. Now and then it's best to be positive, and now is certainly a time to be so. But fuck it's so hard right now. Say what you will about our President elect. It's all been said before, but I just don't understand what the hell is going on, and how we got here. I get the logistics of the how, swing states, electoral college, voter turn-out, people genuinely not giving a shit. I just don't understand the following Trump has. I don't get his appeal.
Putting everything aside to not get into a deep pit of despair I really do not want to get into. This whole election has seemingly opened up the biggest damn can of worms I've ever seen. Fear. Justifiable fear.
I posted this as my status following the decision: "Personally, I'm not afraid of a Trump presidency, yet. But I am
concerned for those who are now. this isn't the end of the world. It's
four years, or less if we impeach him. We've had bad Presidents before,
we'll have them again. Take each day as it comes and breathe. Or, if you
truly don't feel safe, once you're financially secure, and able, get to
somewhere you will."
As a privileged (apparently) white male, I stand by my own lack of fear. But God damn, some of the shit I've seen is out of hand. Yes, I understand the majority of Trump supporters are not the "racist, misogynistic bigots" they've seemingly been labeled just for supporting him, but there certainly is no denying that at least a few of you are, and the rest of you need to acknowledge it. This isn't a time to deny anything. We need to be coming together as a country, Trump said so himself in his (better than anything he's said this entire election) acceptance speech. Some of his supporters, however, are doing the opposite.
Please, take the time to look through as many of them as you can handle if you haven't already. Chalk it up how you want. Whether they are legitimate followers of Trump or not, his election brought this out of people. I'm not saying people became racist, because of it, or that this shit wouldn't have happened otherwise. I'm also not stating that all of these are 100% legitimate, some are likely fake, but certainly not all of them. It is impossible to deny that his election didn't in some way validate so to speak some peoples thoughts and opinions of others. It's all he's been toting for months, hell, years.
It can't be said with absolute certainty that if the opposition were elected that this wouldn't be happening. Personally, I'd like rather have the possibility of that other United States, one that isn't this. Because if this is Trump's America, I want nothing to do with it.
"Diet Zenophobia" being the best case, isn't something we should settle for in a President. The Presidency isn't a play thing we should just be tossing around to any Shmoe who says they want it. No matter how much they promise you that they will "Make America Great Again" (Whatever that means).
After a few years, once his term is done, we may all look back on this and say, "that wasn't so bad." But that fact that right now, months before he's even been sworn in; the fact that I can't tell you with absolute certainty (any you can't either) that some serious shit won't go down and soon, should terrify you just as much as it terrifies me.
I'm hoping we haven't done something irreversible here. Hopefully it won't have to come to any reversable measures.
If you voted for Trump, I don't hate you. I don't understand you, but I don't hate you. I just hope that this, in some way, helps you to understand the fear surrounding Trump's impending Presidency.
Hopefully, as a Nation. We won't have to regret what we've done.
For those uninformed, life for some, likely most, post college isn't a great life. Yet, everyone, including people about to join that post college life believe the exact opposite. I'm twenty five, I've been out of college for two years now and cannot find a better job than the retail position I seem to be stuck in. I don't entirely hate my job, it has its rewards, but the negatives - the overwhelmingly vast negatives - are starting to outweigh those rewards. Yet I have nowhere to go.
Most people, like myself, thought the options would be a plenty. In previous posts I talked about my early job hunts, and how it took me six months to land a job pushing carts for Walmart. Now I sell electronics and electronics accessories at Walmart. But now I have more bills, thanks old car for breaking down causing me to get a new one, and I don't make nearly enough money to pay them all. I'm quite literally hemorrhaging money, trying to make ends meet. However the 50k in various debts I'm in make that nigh impossible.
My other writings have ground to an absolute halt, and I'm only writing this so people know what my life now is like if they are interested. So, lately I've been trying to get full time, or looking for a full-time/ higher-paying part time job. Which, since I've gone through college, is going fantastically. This is how the world works.
Twenty or so jobs, give or take a few, have received an application from me in the past month. All but a few have emailed back stating they are either no longer hiring, or I'm not one of the droids they're looking for. The others I assume just tossed me aside laughing at my optimism.
I'm not sure what some places want, really. I've seen others with similar qualifications get interviews left and right. I've seen people who are far less qualified get opportunity after opportunity. Hell, I've work with people whom I'm not even sure how they were qualified to work at Walmart.
But here I am, trying to expand my horizons, start a career and write on the side til I can hopefully live off of my writing. But instead, I'm drowning in a pit that this supposed beneficial education has seemingly caused. Maybe I just went to college for the wrong shit. Maybe I should have went for something other than what I want to do with my life. Something less, artsy.
Maybe I'm looking at the glass half empty. I suppose some people would try and seize some sort of opportunity here. Do whatever they can with what they have to advance their place in the world. So from now on, I'm writing at least a page, a blog, or something every day. I'm still going to push for that full time position. But I really need this. I need something to validate those four years of my life, which two years removed seem wasted - on the educational side of things.
That and I definitely need something other than these horrendous Presidential candidates to think about.
If you asked me a few months back how my writing was coming along lately, my response would likely have been a lie. "It's going smoothly," or "I'm taking my time." But honestly, that's not the case, it isn't nearly as smooth as one would want it to be, especially if they want to be a writer like me.
Despite my recent shortcomings, I returned to my writing today. Did a few pages in a new project. Something I've been milling around in my head, rather than trying to get back at an old project like I have been doing my last few attempts at returning to the page. Hopefully I can keep the ball rolling so to speak with this project, and write... something... every day. Be that a blog post or more of this story I'm working on.
It's not some mind blowing story with a premise that will change the storytelling world. But it is something that I care about that I hope will turn into something that other people will care about too. Just hopefully not enough to fan fiction. I hate that crap. But that's another story. To put it short it has to do with a lack of creativity so to speak. You can't create your own characters, or your own world so you steal other writers creations and bastardize it. So yeah, I dislike fan fiction.
I can't really lie, and say I haven't dabbled in borrowing ideas or concepts. Hell, a lot of my early writing, when I was a young'n I wrote a lot of Digimon (topical I know) stories. They were also picture books, existed in worlds I created, with characters I created. The only thing I used that already existed was the concept of Digimon. For those unfamiliar with Digimon it's on the internet somewhere, but here is the original intro for your nostalgic viewing pleasure:
In more personal news, my two year anniversary is right around the corner. November 20th to be exact. I made a reservation at the Bad Apples Bistro nearby in Spencerport, I hear it's amazing, so I hope people weren't lying. My love life depends on it you potential liars! Not really, but you're still potential liars.
In other, other news, I still work at Walmart, but now I'm an Electronics Sales Associate. So I don't dislike going to work as much as I used to.
In other, other, other news TV has been GREAT, especially Netflix, HBO, and Showtime. But you can read more on that on my film review blog soon. Probably within a week or so. Movies have been... movies... I haven't seen any phenomenally great one's this year, yet. Being that it's the end of the year though, I'm kind of disappointed in that. But hey, Star Wars is like a month away right?
I also got like three new games lately, well, one collection of old games and two new games, and I have no time to play them. Not that that's really a bad thing, it's more of a, sad thing, for me. But yeah, the Nathan Drake Collection, Battlefront, and Fallout 4. Then Uncharted 4 comes out early next year, so I at least have to finish off the collection before then, but that would mean not touching the other two for ages. My days off consist of catching up on the shows I'm back logged on, I'm genuinely lucky if I get any time to game. Especially considering that my girlfriend doesn't let me!
Well, she does, but she doesn't like it when I do. I plowed through Assassin's Creed Syndicate's main campaign in a few days and she complained every second of it. All in all, worth it.
That's it for today I think, there'll be more in the future, so stay tuned.
I'm back, and probably going to be gif/meme-less until I feel comfortable posting "on the bright side" sort of things. The best thing I can say about the situation I currently find myself in is that I'm at least writing again. I'm just sad that I have to use this blog to get at my feelings. I'm going to be talking about depression, specifically my undiagnosed depression, that at this point, is self diagnosed, I know, for a fact, that I have clinical depression and that I need, and want, to see someone for it. I just can't deal with all of this shit anymore. Every day that I wake up, I ask myself why I even bothered waking up. I'll be discussing most of my issues while referring back to the "WebMD" page on "What is Depression?"
Most people have felt sad or depressed at times. Feeling
depressed can be a normal reaction to loss, life's struggles, or an
injured self-esteem.
But when feelings of intense sadness -- including feeling helpless, hopeless, and worthless -- last for many days to weeks and keep you from functioning normally, your depression may be something more than sadness. It may very well be clinical depression -- a treatable medical condition.
My girlfriend who is very much the love of my life has been away, back at her parents house on Long Island since December 21. Since then, I cannot say that I've felt like "myself." I can't even say that I know what I mean by that, but I can tell you that these "feelings" of being helpless, hopeless, and worthless, enter my fucking mind every damn day. I've been trying since August 2014 to find a job. I've had 3 interviews since then, at Walmart, GameStop, and Taco Bell. None of them called me back to offer a job, except Walmart, which I turned down because GameStop offered me an interview. This has since turned out to be the biggest mistake of my life. All the while in between these interviews I've applied to every fucking place I can think of, you name it, I've likely submitted an application, either online or in person.
I stopped going out and doing them in person because I had no money for gas, and I had/have an eighth of a tank left. Today, my girlfriend was supposed to be coming home, but she couldn't because of weather. I also broke my phone's screen today throwing it against the wall in a sudden burst of emotion, upon being told that "I need to go back to normal." I then realized that I had to get out of the house, and to the nearest Verizon store to get my phone fixed/replaced, it still works but the screen is pitch black. However, upon entering my truck I find that the battery is dead, leaving me stranded here unable to leave to get any food. I have enough to last me for at least a few more days if I ration, but honestly, I don't feel like eating.
I'm hungry, and I know I'm hungry. I can feel it, I can hear it. But I just don't care. I eat one meal a day, and that's mainly just to prove to my girlfriend that I ate while she was gone, I feel, and look like I've lost about ten pounds in the past week. Today was the first day I changed out of elastic pajamas, and the pants that used to fit me the best, are now loose and starting to sag down.
According to the DSM-5, a manual used to diagnose mental
disorders, depression occurs when you have at least five of the
following symptoms at the same time:
A depressed mood during most of the day, particularly in the morning
Fatigue or loss of energy almost every day
Feelings of worthlessness or guilt almost every day
Impaired concentration, indecisiveness
Insomnia (an inability to sleep) or hypersomnia (excessive sleeping) almost every day
Markedly diminished interest or pleasure in almost all activities nearly every day
Recurring thoughts of death or suicide (not just fearing death)
A sense of restlessness or being slowed down
Significant weight loss or weight gain
So, in order to qualify, and be diagnosed with depression, I need to have at least five of those symptoms. I've already stated how I wake up, and I've argued where these feelings of worthlessness come from. I've mentioned potential weight loss, and I've also, at least somewhat, stated that I had no interest, until today, in doing anything. That only leaves one trait until I can justifiably self diagnose myself.
Insomnia (an inability to sleep) or hypersomnia (excessive sleeping) almost every day
I'm not sure what exactly constitutes either. If it's just trouble falling asleep, I could argue that I have insomnia, since I haven't been able to fall asleep until about 7 am for the past few days, and this is after several hours of trying, since about 2:30 last night for example. Now if hypersomnia is trouble staying awake, I only have that in the afternoons when I initially "wake-up." That is to say that I will remain lying down, and let myself continually fall asleep because I don't want to get up. Now this is only if that counts as either one. My inability to fall asleep could also constitute, indecisiveness, like my body can't decide what it wants to do. All I've really been doing is watching movies, applying to jobs, eating my small single meal, and sitting on the couch. Other than that, I'm having a late night, often brief, conversation with the girlfriend over Skype or by phone. Then I try to sleep for x number of hours until it happens.
The ones (yes, ones) I know that I also have but haven't discussed are the feelings of fatigue/lack of energy, and recurring thoughts of death or suicide. I've long since lost my fear of death, so the latter part of that bullet point doesn't really apply anyways. If thoughts of death can include thoughts about others dying, and I don't mean by murder, then I have that two-fold. I haven't necessarily thought about suicide everyday, but most of the days of the past week and a half, suicidal thoughts have been there. I haven't had an attempt, yet, unless you count an attempt at wrist cutting, but that was shortly after thanksgiving, and for entirely different reasons and under different circumstances. But these are what's needed to diagnose. I have most of the symptoms they list.
Difficulty concentrating, remembering details, and making decisions
Fatigue and decreased energy
Feelings of guilt, worthlessness, and/or helplessness
Feelings of hopelessness and/or pessimism
Insomnia, early morning wakefulness, or excessive sleeping
Irritability, restlessness
Loss of interest in activities or hobbies once pleasurable, including sex
Loss of pleasure in life
Overeating or appetite loss
Persistent aches or pains, headaches, cramps, or digestive problems that do not ease even with treatment
Persistent sad, anxious, or "empty" feelings
Thoughts of suicide or suicide attempts
All I don't have, is "Difficulty concentrating, remembering details, and making decisions." And I think that's just because of the way I'm wired. I'm always focused on whatever I may be doing, and I can remember details about things that happened weeks ago still. Most decisions I've made are what movies to watch/not watch, but I've made decisions. So where does all of this leave me?
I can't professionally say that I have depression, that's something I need to see someone about, because I cannot keep living like this. With all that's happened today, and my student loans about to pile up and throw me into bankruptcy if I don't find a job soon, I can't really help but feel depressed. I'm not sure if I would feel this way if I had a job or if none of the crap that happened today happened. I know I've thought I've had depression for a long time, but I thought it was just mild, not requiring medication (see my previous blog entries for evidence of that 1, 2, 3, 4). But now, I'm almost certain that I do.
I feel like an idiot for breaking my phone, and I have no idea whether or not it will cost anything to fix, but a day or so away from it, won't bother me too much. I mainly just used it for internet stuffs, I can just use a computer for that.
All I can really hope for at this point, is that someone comes to help, either tomorrow or soon. I'm almost out of food, and I hear that's kind of important for human survival. I also hope that my girlfriend, if she so chooses to come back tomorrow, Wednesday, January 6, that she makes it here safely. Because I don't think the weather will be that great, or so the forecast on the internet will have me believe. At the very least, she should be returning by this coming Thursday when the weather is supposed to be somewhat better than it is forecast to be tomorrow. Regardless of when she chooses to come home, I just want her to get here safe. I urged her, that if she wasn't going to come tonight, which she isn't, to wait until Thursday unless she feels confident enough to make it tomorrow.
To go back to the main issue at heart here, I think the thing that is getting to me most is loneliness. I have literally been alone, by myself for eleven days. When my request for her to return by New Years Eve didn't come through, we settled on today, and when that didn't happen, I broke again. And the simplest way I can put it. For weeks, no months, since fucking August, I've let myself think that this next thing I put my mind to will end my troubles and will come through. But nothing has. Not one good thing has happened since August 2014. The last good thing that happened to me personally, was passing my last class for my bachelors, which proved to be a ton of help...
I honestly don't know if I have any friends any more. I feel like I do, but I don't know. I can talk with them from time to time. And when I went home for Christmas, from the 22nd to the 26th, at least one of them showed interest in hanging out, but didn't really act on that interest, and hasn't bothered to say a word to me since commenting "Um fuck yeah" on my Facebook status about being home. If he wanted me to instigate, I dropped the ball. But I never instigate, I honestly cannot remember the last time I have texted someone, other than my girlfriend, without that person having texted me first. I think the last time was to my friend Dylan, and that was really just to say that I got a free game for having purchased the season pass to Assassin's Creed: Unity. That game being Far Cry 4, which I've barely touched.
So it may be my fault that I feel so lonely. I should probably reach out to people. But I also live at least an hour away from any one of my friends. But is it really so much to ask, that I get some random text asking how I'm doing. Yes, I don't do that, so maybe I'll start once I get my phone fixed/replaced.
All I know for sure, is I can't blame anyone else but myself for any of this. I regret everything that I put my girlfriend through, making her feel guilty, bringing out her depressed thoughts, making her feel like I have been pressuring her to do what I want rather than what she wants. All I want to do in my life, is make her happy, and I feel as though I'm never going to be able to do that. Maybe that's where all of this is coming from. I've yelled at her, complained to her, cried over her telling me what I don't want to hear. I've broken my phone because of something she said, but didn't mean. Luckily, I can still answer my phone, though I don't know if it's charging or not because I cannot use my screen, so I can't get rid of the notification light to see the charging one. I can however use motion gestures, thankfully, allowing me to answer calls.
I guess what I have to do now, is hope that things work out in the long run. Hope that soon, things turn around. I stop feeling this way, I get help, and hopefully a job. Time will tell what will happen, I just hope that what ends up happening, isn't what I feel may happen.
**Warning this will be spoiler heavy because I don't give a crap about spoiling this movie, if you care, do not read the following review. Have a nice day.**
I hate Michael Bay. But the main reason I hate him is likely different from why other people hate him. I hate him, because he just does the same thing over and over again, instead of improving and being a better director, especially when I know he can be a better director. His three highest rated movies, are The Rock, Pain & Gain, and the first Transformers movie, at least according to Rottentomatoes. To some extent, I would agree with this assessment. Pain & Gain was the most fun I had with a Bay film. The Rock, in my opinion is an exceptional film (especially for Michael Bay) it comes as no surprise to me though, that Bay's only, yes, his only fresh rated film is The Rock.
I hate Bay because he refuses to be the good director I know he can be. He refuses to evolve and make what are widely considered, on a critical standpoint, to be terrible films, better. He does absolutely nothing other than repeat the same points over and over again in his films. That could not be more clear than with the Transformers series up to this point.
Seriously, they practically sync up perfectly.
But now to get to the grit of what this is about, the actual review of the fourth movie.
It would honestly be a bit more difficult to sync up number 4 to the previous three, because Bay does something different this time around. We still have an opening that takes place in the past, but there is absolutely no opening narration by Optimus Prime, which has opened the prior three films.
Another reason as to why this would not exactly sync up properly with the previous films, is because this film is essentially two movies that tries to sell you that it is one movie, while shamelessly setting up a sequel that will no doubt happen, and I'm okay with it, because I actually get enjoyment out of watching terrible movies like this and being among a small party that laugh at every stupid thing done or said in the movie.
Like explosions that come out of dirt instead of the actual thing that is exploding.
Also, the Dinobots can speak fucking English, granted broken English, and I don't understand why all they can do, even when transformed is make dinosaur sounds.It does make sense when you examine how they were made, but once you start to investigate that that is also how Optimus and the other Autobots/Decepticons were made, it then makes no fucking sense.
I just don't understand why you would purposely step on, and ruin something that I, and many others loved as children by not properly representing them. Granted, they are the most bad-ass aspect of the film, and hopefully they will be more prevalent than just roughly thirty minutes of screen time in the fifth movie.The most consistent character in the film was Mark Wahlberg's Cade Yaeger (yes, his last name is Yaeger, pronounced exactly like Jaeger, or Jäger. Which are the robots in Pacific Rim, a film far superior to this piece of trash), and the least consistent, again, is Optimus Prime. Prime straight up murders several characters in this film, just murders them, he even rushes into a building and orders his autobots to terrorize people. The Autobots are terrorists. As crazy as this sounds it is sadly a subplot of the film, the idea having been proposed by Kelsey Grammer's character, whom Optimus murders near the end of the film.
This has by far been my biggest running complaint of the franchise, Prime gradually over the course loses his morality that he is so famous for. Killing people that beg for mercy, ripping a defenseless Megatron's head off, promoting the murder and terrorization of humans because they did the same to his people, and straight up blowing people up that don't see it coming. This is not my Optimus, and this is not an Optimus that people should like or be cheering for. He's a psychopath with a bloodlust. Megatron/Galvatron isn't portrayed as much of an antagonist as Prime, and for that matter neither is Lockdown, Age of Extinction's primary "antagonist."
I just don't understand character morality and who is supposed to be viewed as the bad guys in this movie. Lockdown is running around killing Autobots, yes, but he's also, allegedly, been killing Decepticon's too. It turns out he's only been hunting them, because he was promised Prime, while he wanted Prime to make him a trophy, essentially, that doesn't change the fact that Galvatron, the likel antagonist for the following films has maybe ten minutes of total screen time, and there's literally nothing different about Galvatron and Megatron than appearance and voice, no longer being voice acted by Hugo Weaving, and is now voiced by Frank Welker, someone who has taken on the role of Galvatron and Megatron before. And hell, while Galvatron is clearly presented as a villain, he's presented in one straight forward way with one motive, to be reborn, and to take over the world and kill all humans/Autobots. Nothing more, nothing less. He doesn't flip flop around, changing what he considers just or injust in the matter of a 2 hour and 45 minute movie, he just wants to cause chaos.
Yep, Rainbow Dash is a man made Transformer in this movie.
Honestly, I cannot believe the padding of pointless shit that added nothing to the plot in this. Sure, some of the action shots were longer, and the action was more clear. But I still had no idea what was going on because of the fucking shaky cam. Not to mention that only eight robots are named thirteen if you count the thirty minutes worth of Dinobots. But this scene, with Rainbow Dash literally made me laugh out loud, not because it was funny. But it comes out of nowhere, is intended t be funny, but isn't. It only serves to make "bronies" mark out and confuse the hell out of people that don't know what that fucking is other than a plush pony toy. Then there's this random shot of Mark Wahlberg nodding when the dinobots came running in to save the day. it's a two second close up shot of Wahlberg fucking nodding. WHY IS THAT IN THE MOVIE? We don't need Wahlbergs approval to know that the Dinobots kicking ass is awesome, they're fucking robot dinosaurs. Why is this movie two hours and 45 minutes long, because of these pointless fucking scenes that add nothing to the plot.
Sorry.
I get upset when I think about this sort of stuff, and that causes me to use "obscenities."
Seriously though, when this movie gets applause from ten or so people. But something like Captain America: The Winter Soldier or The Lego Movie doesn't, it upsets me and it should upset you too.
This is the epitome of bad writing and poor directing because Bay clearly has stopped caring about getting proper performances out of actors, the few standouts, Wahlberg and Tucci, only stand out, because they can actually act. Grammer does nothing in this movie to even come off as an intimidating villain. Nicola Peltz was about as good an actress here as she was in The Last Airbender. Further her character is seventeen, that is made very clear, to the point where her boyfriend has to pull out a "Romeo and Juliet" (printed out on a piece of paper he conveniently keeps in his wallet) law so that the romance isn't illegal, and yet it's perfectly okay for the camera to objectify this seventeen year old girl. I can understand the relationship being okay. But if this girl is seventeen, don't show me a five second close up of her ass while Marky Mark tells her to go put on some longer shorts. Then there's the boyfriend character played by Jack Reynor, who is the most worthless piece of shit in the series, Sam friggen Witwicky did more than him, not to mention his bland acting. Lastly, TJ Miller is underused and killed off before he can be used to his full potential, not that Bay (or the screenwriters) would even allow that to happen.
My last point will be this, aside from explosions, nothing new happens in this movie, literally nothing. Lockdown kills Ratchet, who nobody cared about to begin with. Then he kidnaps Prime, who is immediately rescued, forcing Lockdown to come back only to be killed by Prime along with Grammer's character. Megatron comes back, which happens in every movie, this time as Galvatron though, he forms an army, that then is trounced by the five Autobots and Five Dinobots, and Galvatron goes into retreat until Transformers 5. Optimus then goes out into space and the movie ends. The world is left in the same condition it was left in at the end of Transformers 3, nobody trusts the Transformers, and they have even more of a reason not to now. Nothing has happened here, that hasn't happened in the previous three movies. It's all been done before, maybe not better, but we've seen everything before.
I read an article recently that basically said Summer blockbusters need to stop being serious. There's one inherent flaw in the article. That is that summer movie typically aren't serious, and he picks out one that was trying to do the disaster movie seriously, while "not having fun with it." I seriously doubt the people behind Godzilla (2014) didn't have fun with it. It insists that because the movie takes its subplots seriously that that is the issue with the film, at least during the summer blockbuster season. This is a ridiculous point of view, because it promotes this sort of shlock, that is nothing but "having fun with it." There's nothing of substance here. It's just inane bullshit from credits to credits.
I primarily took issue with this quote: "Godzilla wants so badly to make sense. Pacific Rim wants so badly for Ron Perlman to wear golden shoes."
My main comment to that is, "So what?" Godzilla wants to make devastation and destruction serious, because it's a serious thing. A city is destroyed and millions of people died, and you want that to not be a serious thing? If you didn't have fun watching it, I don't know what to tell you, because I sure as hell enjoyed every second of the monster stuff. Pacific Rim does the same thing, while also joking about it. The only difference between the two is that Pacific Rim had a better writer, and more experienced director, in Guillermo Del Toro. Godzilla's flaw was poor characters, and poor plot points. Not a lack of "fun."
And then there's Transformers: Age of Extinction. All it does is this idea of "have fun with it," there's no evidence of effort put in aside from quality visual effects and waiting until sundown to do some cool shots in the country side. There's a My Little Pony reference for God's sake. My proposal is that Summer blockbusters should be allowed to be as dark or serious as they want, as long as everything in the film makes sense for it to be that way. If the writing is good enough, if the acting is good enough, if the directing is good enough - go all out for the serious, but have fun doing it too. That's what Pacific Rim did, and that's why it seems like they had more "fun with it." It all comes down to the quality of the craft. If it's done right, then do it right.
The simple idea that having fun is what makes a quality Summer blockbuster is absurd, because there is nothing of quality here.
Transformers: Age of Extinction gets a 4/10.It's better than Transformers: Dark of the Moon (2011), but still worse than the original Transformers (2007). Nothing compares however to the shit storm that was Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen (2009).
I'll return at some point with another movie, Tammy is of interest and comes out in the next few days, while Dawn of the Planet of the Apes won't be out until the 11th. I'll also be seeing How To Train Your Dragon 2, down on Long Island with my lovely girlfriend that weekend, likely on the 12th or 13th.
The day of sequels was cut a bit short in the movies department; I only saw one of them. I'm waiting to watch How to Train Your Dragon 2, until I an see it with the girlfriend in July. But at least I was able to see 22 Jump Street.
Whoever said sequels can't be better than the original needs to watch this movie. But then again, if you didn't like the first one, you are most likely not going to like this one. But I don't know many people that didn't like the first one.
I take back almost everything I said about how good A Million Ways to Die in the West was. I'd still give it a 7.5, or whatever my score was (I'm too lazy to check), but God, when a good comedy comes out like this one, you realize just how sub-par other comedies are. I will say that this was a lot more "adult" than it's predecessor, 21 Jump Street. If that means anything. There were more obscenities, more sex, and much more violence.
The plot is fairly simple to explain, and nearly identical to the first film, as exemplified (fairly on the nose) by Nick Offerman's character early in the film.
It's actually a bit of a statement about Hollywood's constant remakes and sequels. But it's directly referential to this film itself, basically stating that we will be getting, for the most part, the same movie again. But this time, in college!
Speaking from experience, everyone in college looks like babies - myself included.
This sort of self referential humor, along with a vast quantity of pop culture references are strewn across the film, and with great effect. My favorite of which would be the "red herring" joke. As the only writer amongst my friends I was the only one that understood the joke, and I'm pretty sure I was the only one in the theater that laughed at it, which is a bit upsetting. None the less, it was my favorite of the self referential jokes.
Ice Cube's role is larger this go around, and he is directly involved in two of the funniest scene's in the film, as well as the climax. Whereas in the first one, he was in the movie for all but ten minutes. He's a very welcome addition, providing a balance between Hill's and Tatum's overly comedic characters, as well as creating tension with one of the few twists I did not see coming. Which in all honesty, I should have.
Like the first one, the "gay couple" jokes are strong in the narrative, but they aren't off putting. At least not to me, and in all honesty, I don't know why anyone should see them as insulting or off putting. In no way does the film make fun of homosexuality, or the idea of it, if anything the film embraces it. Above all else it's just an extreme portrayal of the "bromance" archetype.
I only bring this up, because I have seen some, negative backlash about that aspect of the film's humor. Perhaps it's because I'm not homosexual that I see no issue with the jokes, or maybe it's just because I see them as jokes and don't take them seriously, but I have no issue with this movies extreme "bromance" relationship. The worst it gets is the scene in the therapist's office, and that simply was a case of the therapist confusing them for a homosexual couple. Nothing more, nothing less - but of course their wording didn't help the situation either.
I don't enjoy spoiling movies for people that haven't seen them before, so I try to keep my wording as vague as possible. But with comedies it's harder because you sort of have to give the exposition for a joke, to explain the joke and what is going on. Minor spoilers are not exactly avoidable with comedies. Especially when I throw .GIF's into these reviews.
All in all, the movie was fantastic. It is by far, one of the best comedies I have seen in years, I was laughing consistently throughout, a few times, too much.The pre-credits sequence was hysterical, though it leaves the potential future of the franchise in question. Also, for those who have seen the trailers, do not expect every joke in the trailer to be in the movie, because a few of them, are not there.
22 Jump Street gets a 9.5/10.
I'll be back around the 27th with a review for Transformers: Age of Extinction in which I will probably spew hatred of it for it's dirt explosions.
I just get a vast amount of enjoyment from the explosion coming from the dirt behind Grimlock's head.
Hopefully the Dinobots can speak English and transform out of their dinosaur form. The toys at least suggest they can. Until then, have a video:
A bit late on this entry, I know - but forgive me, I'm working on other stuff such as getting an apartment and my license and a car, as well as furnishing said apartment. Not to mention, trying to keep up with the shows I watch in the process. So as you can imagine I've been a bit busy. Hell, I still haven't started getting into Mad Men or any of the HBO shows now on Amazon Prime that I claimed I would have been flying through by this point. Call me lazy, but I just haven't gotten around to any of them.
I should probably start by saying that I enjoyed this a lot, and I mean a lot, more than most. It's currently sitting at 33% on Rotten Tomatoes, with an average rating of 4.8/10. Admittedly a little less than Ted. Though only slightly. Perhaps I'm just an idiot that likes Seth McFarlane and his comedy style, I mean I do still enjoy watching Family Guy and American Dad, I never really liked The Cleveland Show, though not many really did.
The humor this go around was a lot more obscene than in Ted, or rather, just more in your face about it. I'd be lying though if I told you I could remember a single line of dialogue that wasn't in the trailer. I'd also be lying if I said, as other critics have claimed, that the best jokes are in the trailer. I was one of the people that had seen the trailer for this several times and still found me laughing at the jokes I had already heard. So perhaps, I was just the right audience for this movie.
I should probably get this out of the way now, because a lot of people seem to be claiming that this was trying to be Blazing Saddles. Like this moron. Perhaps "moron" is a strong word, because he actually has a job, but then again, so do most people. There's literally nothing in this film that resembles the mastery of self-referential comedy that is Blazing Saddles. This isn't even self referential. Sure, "Mila Kunis" is the Native American word for "fine" in the film, but that was simply a joke, and nothing more. Comparing this to Blazing Saddles is like comparing apples to oranges, and I mean that literally. They're both comedies that take place during the 1800's in the West. Just like apples and oranges are fruit. However apples are not oranges, they have a different texture, taste, and they don't need to be peeled (well oranges don't technically need to be peeled, but it's highly recommended). A Million Ways is not Blazing Saddles, it's tailor made for McFarlane's audience, and not trying to be a commentary on comedy and how films are made, Seth McFarlane is not Mel Brooks, nor do I think he is even trying to be. The only similarity between them is that they are Western Comedies, that's it, that's as close as they get to each other.
I just have to ask why so many are making this insane comparison. It's like they thought Blazing Saddles was the only western based comedy to have existed before this (1, 2, 3, 4 there's also this one comparing it to Django Unchained, which in no way was a comedy, though there is a Jamie Foxx cameo). Sure, it is likely that Blazing Saddles had some influence on the film, but what about Three Amigos, Back to the Future: Part III (There's even a friggin cameo that would suggest that had more of an influence than Blazing Saddles), Or even Maverick or My Name is Nobody. The fact of the matter is that people are seemingly refusing to see that this is simply a western comedy, and thus it will have similarities to other western comedies. Perhaps its the absurd nature of A Million Ways that links it to the extreme nature of Blazing Saddles.
I also feel the need to call out the writers of these reviews for their comments, but I won't and call it their opinion. But when I see a line like, "There’s also a runaway slave shooting gallery, which shows MacFarlane’s willingness to offend," I can't just sit back and let that slide. First of all, when has comedy not been about offending someone? When did comedy become something to where nobody should be offended? I've always lived under the impression that comedy, inherently in it's very nature, will offend someone, and that's partially where the humor comes from. I mean, arguably the best stand up comedian ever was George Carlin, and you can't get much more offensive than him.
Basically pointing out that a comedy is being offensive is pointless. If everyone went to a comedy, let a lone an r-rated comedy expecting to at some point not be offended by what they see, then I'm afraid...
Sure, I'll admit that Mcfarlane was perhaps not the best choice to lead this film, plenty of people would have potentially be better fit to play the role, I'll agree there, but that's as far as I'll go. It seems that more and more people take offense to jokes and somehow label that as a bad thing. Your personal inability to take a joke is nobodies fault but your own, and you are in no place to blame the movie for your being offended. You spent the money to go see it, you are entirely at fault. Now you can however blame the movie for not being funny, because if you didn't find it funny then it's just not your type of comedy. That may seem like a double standard, but it isn't, allow me to explain.
In one case you find a joke offensive, in both then, it's safe to assume that the joke would be found to be unfunny. Many people can find the joke unfunny, I found a lot of the jokes not-particularly funny while others around me were laughing or not laughing. If they also take an offense to it, that's a personal problem. You are putting your own personal feelings about what can or cannot be joked about above all else. I've said this, for what seems like a million times now, but nothing is off-hands in comedy. Anything and everything can be joked about, and if we start saying "you can't joke about that" because we don't want to offend someone, then we can't joke about anything in fear of offending the next person. That may seem like a slope that is slippery, but it isn't, it's just stating that if we start trying not to offend people, we'll end up at a point, where we won't be because jokes won't be offensive any more, or there just won't be comedians any more (that may be a bit of a stretch though, and I can conceive of that point falling into that of the slippery slope variety).
Take for example last night's episode of Louie (a bit off topic, but it's relevant)the episode entitled "Pamela 1."Louie tries to force himself onto Pamela, in an attempt to kiss her or more. He even begins to lift her shirt up, all while she is saying "No," and trying to leave, but he is persistent. It goes no where, aside from an awkward, consented kiss. But when she gets away from him, when he stops trying, she says "This would be rape if you weren't so stupid -- you can't even rape well," while pulling her shirt back down over her stomach. You can either watch the episode for your self, or read thisarticle about it. The writer of the article states at the end, "While Louie the character doesn't see the connections, I suspect that
Louis the writer knows them all too well—and we have him to thank for
producing an episode of television that manages to reflect lived
realities while simultaneously challenging them, and even sneaks in a
few great jokes in the process." We have something as offensive as rape, and yet, there are jokes about it. Which is not entirely surprisingly, as Louie has defended the use of rape jokes before stating, "To me, all dialogue is positive. For me, any joke about
anything bad is great. Any joke about rape, the Holocaust, the Mets --
any joke about something bad is a positive thing. I've read some blogs
during this thing that has enlightened me with things I don't know" (Source).
Then there's this from an entirely different episode (full scene).
So basically, offensive things exist in comedy. That's just the way it is, and nothing is off limits. All in all, I enjoyed my time with A Million Ways. I found it enjoyable, and wasn't bored with it, I was laughing enough to keep my interest and occasionally I was laughing uncontrollably.
The opening cinematography and landscape shots will remind any western fan of the classic westerns that they know. Just keep in mind, this in no way is a classic western. I'm giving A Million Ways to Die in the West a 7.5 out of 10. Despite the comedy hitting strong at points, there were still a lot of jokes that fell flat, and admittedly McFarlane is a rather weak lead here, and it would have done the movie better justice to have cast someone else in the lead. Also, NPH is awesome.
I doubt that I'll be going to the theaters this weekend for either Edge of Tomorrow or The Fault in Our Stars. I'll likely be waiting until next week and the 13th's release of both How to Train Your Dragon 2 as well as 22 Jump Street. Until next time, here's a video, enjoy:
