Quasi Return to Form

If you asked me a few months back how my writing was coming along lately, my response would likely have been a lie. "It's going smoothly," or "I'm taking my time." But honestly, that's not the case, it isn't nearly as smooth as one would want it to be, especially if they want to be a writer like me.

Despite my recent shortcomings, I returned to my writing today. Did a few pages in a new project. Something I've been milling around in my head, rather than trying to get back at an old project like I have been doing my last few attempts at returning to the page. Hopefully I can keep the ball rolling so to speak with this project, and write... something... every day. Be that a blog post or more of this story I'm working on.

It's not some mind blowing story with a premise that will change the storytelling world. But it is something that I care about that I hope will turn into something that other people will care about too. Just hopefully not enough to fan fiction. I hate that crap. But that's another story. To put it short it has to do with a lack of creativity so to speak. You can't create your own characters, or your own world so you steal other writers creations and bastardize it. So yeah, I dislike fan fiction.

I can't really lie, and say I haven't dabbled in borrowing ideas or concepts. Hell, a lot of my early writing, when I was a young'n I wrote a lot of Digimon (topical I know) stories. They were also picture books, existed in worlds I created, with characters I created. The only thing I used that already existed was the concept of Digimon. For those unfamiliar with Digimon it's on the internet somewhere, but here is the original intro for your nostalgic viewing pleasure:

In more personal news, my two year anniversary is right around the corner. November 20th to be exact. I made a reservation at the Bad Apples Bistro nearby in Spencerport, I hear it's amazing, so I hope people weren't lying. My love life depends on it you potential liars! Not really, but you're still potential liars.

In other, other news, I still work at Walmart, but now I'm an Electronics Sales Associate. So I don't dislike going to work as much as I used to.

In other, other, other news TV has been GREAT, especially Netflix, HBO, and Showtime. But you can read more on that on my film review blog soon. Probably within a week or so. Movies have been... movies... I haven't seen any phenomenally great one's this year, yet. Being that it's the end of the year though, I'm kind of disappointed in that. But hey, Star Wars is like a month away right?

I also got like three new games lately, well, one collection of old games and two new games, and I have no time to play them. Not that that's really a bad thing, it's more of a, sad thing, for me. But yeah, the Nathan Drake Collection, Battlefront, and Fallout 4. Then Uncharted 4 comes out early next year, so I at least have to finish off the collection before then, but that would mean not touching the other two for ages. My days off consist of catching up on the shows I'm back logged on, I'm genuinely lucky if I get any time to game. Especially considering that my girlfriend doesn't let me!

Well, she does, but she doesn't like it when I do. I plowed through Assassin's Creed Syndicate's main campaign in a few days and she complained every second of it. All in all, worth it.

That's it for today I think, there'll be more in the future, so stay tuned.

TL;DR I'm writing again and other stuff happened.

Depression. The second.

I'm back, and probably going to be gif/meme-less until I feel comfortable posting "on the bright side" sort of things. The best thing I can say about the situation I currently find myself in is that I'm at least writing again. I'm just sad that I have to use this blog to get at my feelings. I'm going to be talking about depression, specifically my undiagnosed depression, that at this point, is self diagnosed, I know, for a fact, that I have clinical depression and that I need, and want, to see someone for it. I just can't deal with all of this shit anymore. Every day that I wake up, I ask myself why I even bothered waking up. I'll be discussing most of my issues while referring back to the "WebMD" page on "What is Depression?"

Most people have felt sad or depressed at times. Feeling depressed can be a normal reaction to loss, life's struggles, or an injured self-esteem.

But when feelings of intense sadness -- including feeling helpless, hopeless, and worthless -- last for many days to weeks and keep you from functioning normally, your depression may be something more than sadness. It may very well be clinical depression -- a treatable medical condition.

My girlfriend who is very much the love of my life has been away, back at her parents house on Long Island since December 21. Since then, I cannot say that I've felt like "myself." I can't even say that I know what I mean by that, but I can tell you that these "feelings" of being helpless, hopeless, and worthless, enter my fucking mind every damn day. I've been trying since August 2014 to find a job. I've had 3 interviews since then, at Walmart, GameStop, and Taco Bell. None of them called me back to offer a job, except Walmart, which I turned down because GameStop offered me an interview. This has since turned out to be the biggest mistake of my life. All the while in between these interviews I've applied to every fucking place I can think of, you name it, I've likely submitted an application, either online or in person.

I stopped going out and doing them in person because I had no money for gas, and I had/have an eighth of a tank left. Today, my girlfriend was supposed to be coming home, but she couldn't because of weather. I also broke my phone's screen today throwing it against the wall in a sudden burst of emotion, upon being told that "I need to go back to normal." I then realized that I had to get out of the house, and to the nearest Verizon store to get my phone fixed/replaced, it still works but the screen is pitch black. However, upon entering my truck I find that the battery is dead, leaving me stranded here unable to leave to get any food. I have enough to last me for at least a few more days if I ration, but honestly, I don't feel like eating.

I'm hungry, and I know I'm hungry. I can feel it, I can hear it. But I just don't care. I eat one meal a day, and that's mainly just to prove to my girlfriend that I ate while she was gone, I feel, and look like I've lost about ten pounds in the past week. Today was the first day I changed out of elastic pajamas, and the pants that used to fit me the best, are now loose and starting to sag down.

According to the DSM-5, a manual used to diagnose mental disorders, depression occurs when you have at least five of the following symptoms at the same time:

• A depressed mood during most of the day, particularly in the morning
• Fatigue or loss of energy almost every day
• Feelings of worthlessness or guilt almost every day
• Impaired concentration, indecisiveness
• Insomnia (an inability to sleep) or hypersomnia (excessive sleeping) almost every day
• Markedly diminished interest or pleasure in almost all activities nearly every day
• Recurring thoughts of death or suicide (not just fearing death)
• A sense of restlessness or being slowed down
• Significant weight loss or weight gain

So, in order to qualify, and be diagnosed with depression, I need to have at least five of those symptoms. I've already stated how I wake up, and I've argued where these feelings of worthlessness come from. I've mentioned potential weight loss, and I've also, at least somewhat, stated that I had no interest, until today, in doing anything. That only leaves one trait until I can justifiably self diagnose myself.

Insomnia (an inability to sleep) or hypersomnia (excessive sleeping) almost every day

I'm not sure what exactly constitutes either. If it's just trouble falling asleep, I could argue that I have insomnia, since I haven't been able to fall asleep until about 7 am for the past few days, and this is after several hours of trying, since about 2:30 last night for example. Now if hypersomnia is trouble staying awake, I only have that in the afternoons when I initially "wake-up." That is to say that I will remain lying down, and let myself continually fall asleep because I don't want to get up. Now this is only if that counts as either one. My inability to fall asleep could also constitute, indecisiveness, like my body can't decide what it wants to do. All I've really been doing is watching movies, applying to jobs, eating my small single meal, and sitting on the couch. Other than that, I'm having a late night, often brief, conversation with the girlfriend over Skype or by phone. Then I try to sleep for x number of hours until it happens.

The ones (yes, ones) I know that I also have but haven't discussed are the feelings of fatigue/lack of energy, and recurring thoughts of death or suicide. I've long since lost my fear of death, so the latter part of that bullet point doesn't really apply anyways. If thoughts of death can include thoughts about others dying, and I don't mean by murder, then I have that two-fold. I haven't necessarily thought about suicide everyday, but most of the days of the past week and a half, suicidal thoughts have been there. I haven't had an attempt, yet, unless you count an attempt at wrist cutting, but that was shortly after thanksgiving, and for entirely different reasons and under different circumstances. But these are what's needed to diagnose. I have most of the symptoms they list.

• Difficulty concentrating, remembering details, and making decisions
• Fatigue and decreased energy
• Feelings of guilt, worthlessness, and/or helplessness
• Feelings of hopelessness and/or pessimism
• Insomnia, early morning wakefulness, or excessive sleeping
• Irritability, restlessness
• Loss of interest in activities or hobbies once pleasurable, including sex
• Loss of pleasure in life
• Overeating or appetite loss
• Persistent aches or pains, headaches, cramps, or digestive problems that do not ease even with treatment
• Persistent sad, anxious, or "empty" feelings
• Thoughts of suicide or suicide attempts

All I don't have, is "Difficulty concentrating, remembering details, and making decisions." And I think that's just because of the way I'm wired. I'm always focused on whatever I may be doing, and I can remember details about things that happened weeks ago still. Most decisions I've made are what movies to watch/not watch, but I've made decisions. So where does all of this leave me?

I can't professionally say that I have depression, that's something I need to see someone about, because I cannot keep living like this. With all that's happened today, and my student loans about to pile up and throw me into bankruptcy if I don't find a job soon, I can't really help but feel depressed. I'm not sure if I would feel this way if I had a job or if none of the crap that happened today happened. I know I've thought I've had depression for a long time, but I thought it was just mild, not requiring medication (see my previous blog entries for evidence of that 1, 2, 3, 4). But now, I'm almost certain that I do.

I feel like an idiot for breaking my phone, and I have no idea whether or not it will cost anything to fix, but a day or so away from it, won't bother me too much. I mainly just used it for internet stuffs, I can just use a computer for that.

All I can really hope for at this point, is that someone comes to help, either tomorrow or soon. I'm almost out of food, and I hear that's kind of important for human survival. I also hope that my girlfriend, if she so chooses to come back tomorrow, Wednesday, January 6, that she makes it here safely. Because I don't think the weather will be that great, or so the forecast on the internet will have me believe. At the very least, she should be returning by this coming Thursday when the weather is supposed to be somewhat better than it is forecast to be tomorrow. Regardless of when she chooses to come home, I just want her to get here safe. I urged her, that if she wasn't going to come tonight, which she isn't, to wait until Thursday unless she feels confident enough to make it tomorrow.

To go back to the main issue at heart here, I think the thing that is getting to me most is loneliness. I have literally been alone, by myself for eleven days. When my request for her to return by New Years Eve didn't come through, we settled on today, and when that didn't happen, I broke again. And the simplest way I can put it. For weeks, no months, since fucking August, I've let myself think that this next thing I put my mind to will end my troubles and will come through. But nothing has. Not one good thing has happened since August 2014. The last good thing that happened to me personally, was passing my last class for my bachelors, which proved to be a ton of help...

I honestly don't know if I have any friends any more. I feel like I do, but I don't know. I can talk with them from time to time. And when I went home for Christmas, from the 22nd to the 26th, at least one of them showed interest in hanging out, but didn't really act on that interest, and hasn't bothered to say a word to me since commenting "Um fuck yeah" on my Facebook status about being home. If he wanted me to instigate, I dropped the ball. But I never instigate, I honestly cannot remember the last time I have texted someone, other than my girlfriend, without that person having texted me first. I think the last time was to my friend Dylan, and that was really just to say that I got a free game for having purchased the season pass to Assassin's Creed: Unity. That game being Far Cry 4, which I've barely touched.

So it may be my fault that I feel so lonely. I should probably reach out to people. But I also live at least an hour away from any one of my friends. But is it really so much to ask, that I get some random text asking how I'm doing. Yes, I don't do that, so maybe I'll start once I get my phone fixed/replaced.

All I know for sure, is I can't blame anyone else but myself for any of this. I regret everything that I put my girlfriend through, making her feel guilty, bringing out her depressed thoughts, making her feel like I have been pressuring her to do what I want rather than what she wants. All I want to do in my life, is make her happy, and I feel as though I'm never going to be able to do that. Maybe that's where all of this is coming from. I've yelled at her, complained to her, cried over her telling me what I don't want to hear. I've broken my phone because of something she said, but didn't mean. Luckily, I can still answer my phone, though I don't know if it's charging or not because I cannot use my screen, so I can't get rid of the notification light to see the charging one. I can however use motion gestures, thankfully, allowing me to answer calls.

I guess what I have to do now, is hope that things work out in the long run. Hope that soon, things turn around. I stop feeling this way, I get help, and hopefully a job. Time will tell what will happen, I just hope that what ends up happening, isn't what I feel may happen.

Transformers: Age of Extinction

**Warning this will be spoiler heavy because I don't give a crap about spoiling this movie, if you care, do not read the following review. Have a nice day.**

I hate Michael Bay. But the main reason I hate him is likely different from why other people hate him. I hate him, because he just does the same thing over and over again, instead of improving and being a better director, especially when I know he can be a better director. His three highest rated movies, are The Rock, Pain & Gain, and the first Transformers movie, at least according to Rottentomatoes. To some extent, I would agree with this assessment. Pain & Gain was the most fun I had with a Bay film. The Rock, in my opinion is an exceptional film (especially for Michael Bay) it comes as no surprise to me though, that Bay's only, yes, his only fresh rated film is The Rock.

I hate Bay because he refuses to be the good director I know he can be. He refuses to evolve and make what are widely considered, on a critical standpoint, to be terrible films, better. He does absolutely nothing other than repeat the same points over and over again in his films. That could not be more clear than with the Transformers series up to this point. 

Seriously, they practically sync up perfectly.

But now to get to the grit of what this is about, the actual review of the fourth movie. 

 

It would honestly be a bit more difficult to sync up number 4 to the previous three, because Bay does something different this time around. We still have an opening that takes place in the past, but there is absolutely no opening narration by Optimus Prime, which has opened the prior three films.

Another reason as to why this would not exactly sync up properly with the previous films, is because this film is essentially two movies that tries to sell you that it is one movie, while shamelessly setting up a sequel that will no doubt happen, and I'm okay with it, because I actually get enjoyment out of watching terrible movies like this and being among a small party that laugh at every stupid thing done or said in the movie.

 

Like explosions that come out of dirt instead of the actual thing that is exploding.

Also, the Dinobots can speak fucking English, granted broken English, and I don't understand why all they can do, even when transformed is make dinosaur sounds. It does make sense when you examine how they were made, but once you start to investigate that that is also how Optimus and the other Autobots/Decepticons were made, it then makes no fucking sense.

I just don't understand why you would purposely step on, and ruin something that I, and many others loved as children by not properly representing them. Granted, they are the most bad-ass aspect of the film, and hopefully they will be more prevalent than just roughly thirty minutes of screen time in the fifth movie.The most consistent character in the film was Mark Wahlberg's Cade Yaeger (yes, his last name is Yaeger, pronounced exactly like Jaeger, or Jäger. Which are the robots in Pacific Rim, a film far superior to this piece of trash), and the least consistent, again, is Optimus Prime. Prime straight up murders several characters in this film, just murders them, he even rushes into a building and orders his autobots to terrorize people. The Autobots are terrorists. As crazy as this sounds it is sadly a subplot of the film, the idea having been proposed by Kelsey Grammer's character, whom Optimus murders near the end of the film.

This has by far been my biggest running complaint of the franchise, Prime gradually over the course loses his morality that he is so famous for. Killing people that beg for mercy, ripping a defenseless Megatron's head off, promoting the murder and terrorization of humans because they did the same to his people, and straight up blowing people up that don't see it coming. This is not my Optimus, and this is not an Optimus that people should like or be cheering for. He's a psychopath with a bloodlust. Megatron/Galvatron isn't portrayed as much of an antagonist as Prime, and for that matter neither is Lockdown, Age of Extinction's primary "antagonist."

I just don't understand character morality and who is supposed to be viewed as the bad guys in this movie. Lockdown is running around killing Autobots, yes, but he's also, allegedly, been killing Decepticon's too. It turns out he's only been hunting them, because he was promised Prime, while he wanted Prime to make him a trophy, essentially, that doesn't change the fact that Galvatron, the likel antagonist for the following films has maybe ten minutes of total screen time, and there's literally nothing different about Galvatron and Megatron than appearance and voice, no longer being voice acted by Hugo Weaving, and is now voiced by Frank Welker, someone who has taken on the role of Galvatron and Megatron before. And hell, while Galvatron is clearly presented as a villain, he's presented in one straight forward way with one motive, to be reborn, and to take over the world and kill all humans/Autobots. Nothing more, nothing less. He doesn't flip flop around, changing what he considers just or injust in the matter of a 2 hour and 45 minute movie, he just wants to cause chaos.

Yep, Rainbow Dash is a man made Transformer in this movie.

Honestly, I cannot believe the padding of pointless shit that added nothing to the plot in this. Sure, some of the action shots were longer, and the action was more clear. But I still had no idea what was going on because of the fucking shaky cam. Not to mention that only eight robots are named thirteen if you count the thirty minutes worth of Dinobots. But this scene, with Rainbow Dash literally made me laugh out loud, not because it was funny. But it comes out of nowhere, is intended t be funny, but isn't. It only serves to make "bronies" mark out and confuse the hell out of people that don't know what that fucking is other than a plush pony toy. Then there's this random shot of Mark Wahlberg nodding when the dinobots came running in to save the day. it's a two second close up shot of Wahlberg fucking nodding. WHY IS THAT IN THE MOVIE? We don't need Wahlbergs approval to know that the Dinobots kicking ass is awesome, they're fucking robot dinosaurs. Why is this movie two hours and 45 minutes long, because of these pointless fucking scenes that add nothing to the plot.

Sorry.

I get upset when I think about this sort of stuff, and that causes me to use "obscenities."

Seriously though, when this movie gets applause from ten or so people. But something like Captain America: The Winter Soldier or The Lego Movie doesn't, it upsets me and it should upset you too. 

This is the epitome of bad writing and poor directing because Bay clearly has stopped caring about getting proper performances out of actors, the few standouts, Wahlberg and Tucci, only stand out, because they can actually act. Grammer does nothing in this movie to even come off as an intimidating villain. Nicola Peltz was about as good an actress here as she was in The Last Airbender. Further her character is seventeen, that is made very clear, to the point where her boyfriend has to pull out a "Romeo and Juliet" (printed out on a piece of paper he conveniently keeps in his wallet) law so that the romance isn't illegal, and yet it's perfectly okay for the camera to objectify this seventeen year old girl. I can understand the relationship being okay. But if this girl is seventeen, don't show me a five second close up of her ass while Marky Mark tells her to go put on some longer shorts. Then there's the boyfriend character played by Jack Reynor, who is the most worthless piece of shit in the series, Sam friggen Witwicky did more than him, not to mention his bland acting. Lastly, TJ Miller is underused and killed off before he can be used to his full potential, not that Bay (or the screenwriters) would even allow that to happen.

My last point will be this, aside from explosions, nothing new happens in this movie, literally nothing. Lockdown kills Ratchet, who nobody cared about to begin with. Then he kidnaps Prime, who is immediately rescued, forcing Lockdown to come back only to be killed by Prime along with Grammer's character. Megatron comes back, which happens in every movie, this time as Galvatron though, he forms an army, that then is trounced by the five Autobots and Five Dinobots, and Galvatron goes into retreat until Transformers 5. Optimus then goes out into space and the movie ends. The world is left in the same condition it was left in at the end of Transformers 3, nobody trusts the Transformers, and they have even more of a reason not to now. Nothing has happened here, that hasn't happened in the previous three movies. It's all been done before, maybe not better, but we've seen everything before.

I read an article recently that basically said Summer blockbusters need to stop being serious. There's one inherent flaw in the article. That is that summer movie typically aren't serious, and he picks out one that was trying to do the disaster movie seriously, while "not having fun with it." I seriously doubt the people behind Godzilla (2014) didn't have fun with it. It insists that because the movie takes its subplots seriously that that is the issue with the film, at least during the summer blockbuster season. This is a ridiculous point of view, because it promotes this sort of shlock, that is nothing but "having fun with it." There's nothing of substance here. It's just inane bullshit from credits to credits. 

I primarily took issue with this quote: "Godzilla wants so badly to make sense. Pacific Rim wants so badly for Ron Perlman to wear golden shoes." 

My main comment to that is, "So what?" Godzilla wants to make devastation and destruction serious, because it's a serious thing. A city is destroyed and millions of people died, and you want that to not be a serious thing? If you didn't have fun watching it, I don't know what to tell you, because I sure as hell enjoyed every second of the monster stuff. Pacific Rim does the same thing, while also joking about it. The only difference between the two is that Pacific Rim had a better writer, and more experienced director, in Guillermo Del Toro. Godzilla's flaw was poor characters, and poor plot points. Not a lack of "fun."

And then there's Transformers: Age of Extinction. All it does is this idea of "have fun with it," there's no evidence of effort put in aside from quality visual effects and waiting until sundown to do some cool shots in the country side. There's a My Little Pony reference for God's sake. My proposal is that Summer blockbusters should be allowed to be as dark or serious as they want, as long as everything in the film makes sense for it to be that way. If the writing is good enough, if the acting is good enough, if the directing is good enough - go all out for the serious, but have fun doing it too. That's what Pacific Rim did, and that's why it seems like they had more "fun with it." It all comes down to the quality of the craft. If it's done right, then do it right.

The simple idea that having fun is what makes a quality Summer blockbuster is absurd, because there is nothing of quality here.

Transformers: Age of Extinction gets a 4/10. It's better than Transformers: Dark of the Moon (2011), but still worse than the original Transformers (2007). Nothing compares however to the shit storm that was Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen (2009).

I'll return at some point with another movie, Tammy is of interest and comes out in the next few days, while Dawn of the Planet of the Apes won't be out until the 11th. I'll also be seeing How To Train Your Dragon 2, down on Long Island with my lovely girlfriend that weekend, likely on the 12th or 13th.

Here, have a video:

22 Jump Street

Turn down for what?

The day of sequels was cut a bit short in the movies department; I only saw one of them. I'm waiting to watch How to Train Your Dragon 2, until I an see it with the girlfriend in July. But at least I was able to see 22 Jump Street.

 

Whoever said sequels can't be better than the original needs to watch this movie. But then again, if you didn't like the first one, you are most likely not going to like this one. But I don't know many people that didn't like the first one.

I take back almost everything I said about how good A Million Ways to Die in the West was. I'd still give it a 7.5, or whatever my score was (I'm too lazy to check), but God, when a good comedy comes out like this one, you realize just how sub-par other comedies are. I will say that this was a lot more "adult" than it's predecessor, 21 Jump Street. If that means anything. There were more obscenities, more sex, and much more violence.

The plot is fairly simple to explain, and nearly identical to the first film, as exemplified (fairly on the nose) by Nick Offerman's character early in the film.

It's actually a bit of a statement about Hollywood's constant remakes and sequels. But it's directly referential to this film itself, basically stating that we will be getting, for the most part, the same movie again. But this time, in college!

 Speaking from experience, everyone in college looks like babies - myself included.

This sort of self referential humor, along with a vast quantity of pop culture references are strewn across the film, and with great effect. My favorite of which would be the "red herring" joke. As the only writer amongst my friends I was the only one that understood the joke, and I'm pretty sure I was the only one in the theater that laughed at it, which is a bit upsetting. None the less, it was my favorite of the self referential jokes.

Ice Cube's role is larger this go around, and he is directly involved in two of the funniest scene's in the film, as well as the climax. Whereas in the first one, he was in the movie for all but ten minutes. He's a very welcome addition, providing a balance between Hill's and Tatum's overly comedic characters, as well as creating tension with one of the few twists I did not see coming. Which in all honesty, I should have. 

Like the first one, the "gay couple" jokes are strong in the narrative, but they aren't off putting. At least not to me, and in all honesty, I don't know why anyone should see them as insulting or off putting. In no way does the film make fun of homosexuality, or the idea of it, if anything the film embraces it. Above all else it's just an extreme portrayal of the "bromance" archetype.

I only bring this up, because I have seen some, negative backlash about that aspect of the film's humor. Perhaps it's because I'm not homosexual that I see no issue with the jokes, or maybe it's just because I see them as jokes and don't take them seriously, but I have no issue with this movies extreme "bromance" relationship. The worst it gets is the scene in the therapist's office, and that simply was a case of the therapist confusing them for a homosexual couple. Nothing more, nothing less - but of course their wording didn't help the situation either.

 

I don't enjoy spoiling movies for people that haven't seen them before, so I try to keep my wording as vague as possible. But with comedies it's harder because you sort of have to give the exposition for a joke, to explain the joke and what is going on. Minor spoilers are not exactly avoidable with comedies. Especially when I throw .GIF's into these reviews.

All in all, the movie was fantastic. It is by far, one of the best comedies I have seen in years, I was laughing consistently throughout, a few times, too much.The pre-credits sequence was hysterical, though it leaves the potential future of the franchise in question. Also, for those who have seen the trailers, do not expect every joke in the trailer to be in the movie, because a few of them, are not there.

22 Jump Street gets a 9.5/10.

I'll be back around the 27th with a review for Transformers: Age of Extinction in which I will probably spew hatred of it for it's dirt explosions. 

 

I just get a vast amount of enjoyment from the explosion coming from the dirt behind Grimlock's head.

Hopefully the Dinobots can speak English and transform out of their dinosaur form. The toys at least suggest they can. Until then, have a video:

Something Cool.

A Million Ways to Die in the West

A bit late on this entry, I know - but forgive me, I'm working on other stuff such as getting an apartment and my license and a car, as well as furnishing said apartment. Not to mention, trying to keep up with the shows I watch in the process. So as you can imagine I've been a bit busy. Hell, I still haven't started getting into Mad Men or any of the HBO shows now on Amazon Prime that I claimed I would have been flying through by this point. Call me lazy, but I just haven't gotten around to any of them.

 

I should probably start by saying that I enjoyed this a lot, and I mean a lot, more than most. It's currently sitting at 33% on Rotten Tomatoes, with an average rating of 4.8/10. Admittedly a little less than Ted. Though only slightly. Perhaps I'm just an idiot that likes Seth McFarlane and his comedy style, I mean I do still enjoy watching Family Guy and American Dad, I never really liked The Cleveland Show, though not many really did.

The humor this go around was a lot more obscene than in Ted, or rather, just more in your face about it. I'd be lying though if I told you I could remember a single line of dialogue that wasn't in the trailer. I'd also be lying if I said, as other critics have claimed, that the best jokes are in the trailer. I was one of the people that had seen the trailer for this several times and still found me laughing at the jokes I had already heard. So perhaps, I was just the right audience for this movie.

I should probably get this out of the way now, because a lot of people seem to be claiming that this was trying to be Blazing Saddles. Like this moron. Perhaps "moron" is a strong word, because he actually has a job, but then again, so do most people. There's literally nothing in this film that resembles the mastery of self-referential comedy that is Blazing Saddles. This isn't even self referential. Sure, "Mila Kunis" is the Native American word for "fine" in the film, but that was simply a joke, and nothing more. Comparing this to Blazing Saddles is like comparing apples to oranges, and I mean that literally. They're both comedies that take place during the 1800's in the West. Just like apples and oranges are fruit. However apples are not oranges, they have a different texture, taste, and they don't need to be peeled (well oranges don't technically need to be peeled, but it's highly recommended). A Million Ways is not Blazing Saddles, it's tailor made for McFarlane's audience, and not trying to be a commentary on comedy and how films are made, Seth McFarlane is not Mel Brooks, nor do I think he is even trying to be. The only similarity between them is that they are Western Comedies, that's it, that's as close as they get to each other.

I just have to ask why so many are making this insane comparison. It's like they thought Blazing Saddles was the only western based comedy to have existed before this (1, 2, 3, 4 there's also this one comparing it to Django Unchained, which in no way was a comedy, though there is a Jamie Foxx cameo). Sure, it is likely that Blazing Saddles had some influence on the film, but what about Three Amigos, Back to the Future: Part III (There's even a friggin cameo that would suggest that had more of an influence than Blazing Saddles), Or even Maverick or My Name is Nobody. The fact of the matter is that people are seemingly refusing to see that this is simply a western comedy, and thus it will have similarities to other western comedies. Perhaps its the absurd nature of A Million Ways that links it to the extreme nature of Blazing Saddles.

I also feel the need to call out the writers of these reviews for their comments, but I won't and call it their opinion. But when I see a line like, "There’s also a runaway slave shooting gallery, which shows MacFarlane’s willingness to offend," I can't just sit back and let that slide. First of all, when has comedy not been about offending someone? When did comedy become something to where nobody should be offended? I've always lived under the impression that comedy, inherently in it's very nature, will offend someone, and that's partially where the humor comes from. I mean, arguably the best stand up comedian ever was George Carlin, and you can't get much more offensive than him.

Basically pointing out that a comedy is being offensive is pointless. If everyone went to a comedy, let a lone an r-rated comedy expecting to at some point not be offended by what they see, then I'm afraid...

 

Sure, I'll admit that Mcfarlane was perhaps not the best choice to lead this film, plenty of people would have potentially be better fit to play the role, I'll agree there, but that's as far as I'll go. It seems that more and more people take offense to jokes and somehow label that as a bad thing. Your personal inability to take a joke is nobodies fault but your own, and you are in no place to blame the movie for your being offended. You spent the money to go see it, you are entirely at fault. Now you can however blame the movie for not being funny, because if you didn't find it funny then it's just not your type of comedy. That may seem like a double standard, but it isn't, allow me to explain.

In one case you find a joke offensive, in both then, it's safe to assume that the joke would be found to be unfunny. Many people can find the joke unfunny, I found a lot of the jokes not-particularly funny while others around me were laughing or not laughing. If they also take an offense to it, that's a personal problem. You are putting your own personal feelings about what can or cannot be joked about above all else. I've said this, for what seems like a million times now, but nothing is off-hands in comedy. Anything and everything can be joked about, and if we start saying "you can't joke about that" because we don't want to offend someone, then we can't joke about anything in fear of offending the next person. That may seem like a slope that is slippery, but it isn't, it's just stating that if we start trying not to offend people, we'll end up at a point, where we won't be because jokes won't be offensive any more, or there just won't be comedians any more (that may be a bit of a stretch though, and I can conceive of that point falling into that of the slippery slope variety). 

Take for example last night's episode of Louie (a bit off topic, but it's relevant) the episode entitled "Pamela 1." Louie tries to force himself onto Pamela, in an attempt to kiss her or more. He even begins to lift her shirt up, all while she is saying "No," and trying to leave, but he is persistent. It goes no where, aside from an awkward, consented kiss. But when she gets away from him, when he stops trying, she says "This would be rape if you weren't so stupid -- you can't even rape well," while pulling her shirt back down over her stomach. You can either watch the episode for your self, or read this article about it. The writer of the article states at the end, "While Louie the character doesn't see the connections, I suspect that Louis the writer knows them all too well—and we have him to thank for producing an episode of television that manages to reflect lived realities while simultaneously challenging them, and even sneaks in a few great jokes in the process." We have something as offensive as rape, and yet, there are jokes about it. Which is not entirely surprisingly, as Louie has defended the use of rape jokes before stating, "To me, all dialogue is positive. For me, any joke about anything bad is great. Any joke about rape, the Holocaust, the Mets -- any joke about something bad is a positive thing. I've read some blogs during this thing that has enlightened me with things I don't know" (Source).

 

Then there's this from an entirely different episode (full scene).

So basically, offensive things exist in comedy. That's just the way it is, and nothing is off limits. All in all, I enjoyed my time with A Million Ways. I found it enjoyable, and wasn't bored with it, I was laughing enough to keep my interest and occasionally I was laughing uncontrollably. 

The opening cinematography and landscape shots will remind any western fan of the classic westerns that they know. Just keep in mind, this in no way is a classic western. I'm giving A Million Ways to Die in the West a 7.5 out of 10. Despite the comedy hitting strong at points, there were still a lot of jokes that fell flat, and admittedly McFarlane is a rather weak lead here, and it would have done the movie better justice to have cast someone else in the lead. Also, NPH is awesome.

 I doubt that I'll be going to the theaters this weekend for either Edge of Tomorrow or The Fault in Our Stars. I'll likely be waiting until next week and the 13th's release of both How to Train Your Dragon 2 as well as 22 Jump Street. Until next time, here's a video, enjoy:

X-Men: Days of Future Past

The summer blockbuster turn continues with my favorite X-Men movie to date, X-Men: Days of Future Past. 

 

One of the main things I feel the need to talk about is essentially what this movie accomplished, though I'm not entirely sure how in a few cases, as others like me are confused. The film served as a reboot to the x-men film franchise, or so it seemed, but I'm not sure what cast they'll be going with for the forthcoming X-Men: Apocalypse. As in, I'm not sure if they will return to the original cast, or stick with the first class cast, or again, do both somehow. The current cast list seems to suggest, as of right now (May 24, 2014), that it's just the first class cast.

I can't speak much to the storyline of the comic, as I'm not exactly familiar with how it goes, I do know the basics given that I've only read it once, but there are quite the lot of differences, but not that it matters too much. No comic book movie has been a direct adaptation, everything, so far, has fallen more along the lines of an appropriation to the stories of the comics. I don't mind the changes made, that I can recall, but being a bigger fan of pretty much every one of the X-Men, over Wolverine, it gets tiring seeing him take center stage all the time, which is perhaps why I enjoyed First Class so much, he only had one scene in the whole movie. A pointless scene, but still, only one. Don't get me wrong, I still like Wolverine, just not as much as every other X-Man.

The two most notable changes are the fact that Wolverine becomes the main character of the story, and not Kitty Pride (Ellen Page's character), and that the Sentinels are so damn small.

Here's a future Sentinel (only slightly smaller than the movie's past Sentinels) fighting Colosus.

 And here is Wolverine and Cyclops fighting three Sentinels from the comics.

That's possibly my "biggest" pet-peeve with the movie, the sentinels aren't the towering monstrosities that they once were. They are still regarded as a threat in the movie, very much so, killing off the majority of the future team, a few times. I also kind of hated the fact that the new X-Men of the future were just kind of thrown into the film, Warpath (two lines, maybe), Blink (who doesn't have a line to my recollection) and Sunspot (for that matter, neither does this guy) were just kind of there, they had no character development and no real character to speak of other than being X-Men and that they don't like the Sentinels. The audience never cares for these new characters, so when they die, a few times, no one cares. Further, (a new) Toad, Spyke and Havok are all at a military base and are rescued by mystique, but for no reason, they serve no other purpose to the narrative than Mystique wanted to rescue them and Jennifer Lawrence can have more screen time (not that I'm complaining about that).

 

More J-Law is never a bad thing.

  

She, and Peter Dinklage sort of steal the show, but the later show stealer could just be due to my personal bias and love for that man. 

 

Peter Dinklage has been stealing the show for years. He's my favorite character in Elf, and Game of Thrones, But here, he places somewhere around third place. Because J-Law and M-Fass (I feel like I should have just wrote Michael Fassbender, but there's no going back now, I'm dedicated to the M-Fass) are too amazing. Michael Fassbender is like my favorite actor right now, so he'll always be my favorite character in whatever he does, even when he's whipping slaves and just being a despicable human being.

 

Don't mind me, I'm just levitating.

 

With just a swing of my arms, explosions!

 

Piss off knaves!

It's only fitting that Magneto is the best character to come out of these X-Men movies, regardless of the movie. Whichever one it is, Magneto is the best damn character there is. Ian McKellen was the best thing going in the first three films, and Michael Fassbender is just the best thing going anywhere. Also, i didn't hate Quicksilver as much as I thought I would, and it's nice to know that Magneto is still his father, or at least it's implied to be that way, through a joke - but where the hell is Scarlet Witch? She's Quicksilver's twin sister, and is no where to be seen, the girl he was holding while watching the TV is apparently, just his younger sister. Apparently a scene alluding to her, perhaps even featuring an image of her (it's hard to tell with this guys vague wording) was cut from the film (source). So not only was a scene featuring Anna Paquin actually doing something cut, but so was Scarlet Witch, not that I care much, neither was necessary - but hell, at least mentioning her existence would have been nice.

I also thoroughly enjoyed the mixture of shaky and steady cam. Shaky cam only coming in when we take on the perspective of a 70's camera man looking through the camera. It's magnificent, because it's kind of snubbing the way action movies use shaky cam all the time, and saying you can only use it when you are taking on someone's point of view, through a camera. It was marvelous and I loved it, especially the fact that it took on the old Academy aspect ratio of 1.375:1.

I find myself stuck in another hard place as I'm now recalling how much I didn't like Godzilla's treatment of Elizabeth Olsen's character. And now that I know how the film has treated two, and potentially three female characters, I have to admit that I am not happy with this. I didn't really think much of it until now, and honestly it isn't coloring my opinion of the film, but more of my opinions of Hollywood in general. I feel as though this is the main reason I'd rather work in the independent sector, because scripts that treat women properly and don't just toss female characters aside - but I'm also getting the feeling that Hollywood is the place I need to be, so that I can have a hand in changing this. How well that will go however, is impossible to know.

The film reminded me a lot of what Joss Whedon did with The Avengers. It was filled with in jokes, and some subtle humor, though admittedly not quite to the quality that Whedon is capable of. It felt like a comic book movie, and that's all that really matters to me. I've had my misgivings about the direction that the non-marvel studios movies may be heading, but at least I know now that the X-Men films, as long as they remain with Bryan Singer, are in good hands. As it is, we don't know anything about Singer's personal life aside from the accusations, accusations are just that, accusations. They have no immediate merit in truth, and frankly should not be taken as such until they are proven to be true. Even then, I'm not sure I'd want the X-Men film franchise in the hands of anyone else, except for maybe Matthew Vaughn.

So again, I have the same basic qualms that I've had with movies for years, they just don't seem to know how to treat women as characters. Ellen Page (Kitty Pride) does not interact with Halle Berry (Storm) or Fan Bingbing (Blink). There is no female X-Man in the past for J-Law to even interact with, so there's that, on that basis alone this film fails the Bechdel test. But as I've always thought, a films failure to meet the requirements of the test never correlate to how good said film is. As is the case with this film, as so far it was my favorite movie in the X-Men franchise, and my favorite of the summer blockbuster season so far. However the 30th's A Million Ways to Die in the West. may change that, despite it's not being a "blockbuster" so to speak.

X-Men Days of Future Past gets an enthusiastic 9/10.Go see it yourself if you don't believe me.

Now we play the waiting game for X-Men: Apocalypse in 2016. That Teaser, at the very end of the credits, got me all hyped up for it. Seeing the aforementioned young Apocalypse and his four horsemen in the background. I just can't wait.

So until next time, here's a video to help you along the wait for Seth McFarlane's next picture.

Godzilla (2014)

Sorry for the brief delay in this one, I did see Godzilla on Friday, May 16, but I also graduated from college on the 17th and used the 18th to rest. So here's my return to form. The Amazing-Spider-Man 2 review got me back in practice, but this is where I step it up. Here we go, with a review of the aforementioned newest Godzilla film.

 

I loved this movie, from start to finish it was like I was reliving my childhood days of watching those old Godzilla Kaiju fighting movies, only with a bit less camp.

No, sadly, this does not happen.

The campiness came primarily through the dialogue of the film, which was easily the biggest flaw of the movie. Sure, there weren't any, "that's a lot of fish" lines, but there was the whole "let them fight" line (delivered magnificently by Ken Watanabe) which was followed immediately by the first encounter between the Muto male and Godzilla. If that isn't a campy line I don't know what is. I can't fault the actors for their lines, however cheesy and ridiculous they are, there were a lot of fun lines sprinkled throughout the film that made it all the more enjoyable to me, and the excellent deliveries from Watanabe and Cranston made some of them all the more worth it.

Perhaps the only other qualm I had with the movie was the mild constant shakiness of the camera. It seemed to be handheld throughout the film, which was a bit ridiculous, especially when the monster fights came around because the camera became no more shaky than when we were standing in the Brody's apartment. It's an odd stylistic choice that's a little confusing, but not all too noticeable or off putting to the average viewer.

Like I said, the only thing that saved the dialogue was the manner in which the actors delivered their lines, all except for Aaron Taylor-Johnson, who was given nothing, and Elizabeth Olson, who no one cared about. Don't get me wrong, nothing was wrong with these characters, just the way they were portrayed on the screen left myself, and seemingly the rest of the audience, without a care for them. And with one of them being the main character, that's kind of an issue. I like Aaron Taylor-Johnson for the most part, but he seems to need the right director to get him to perform well. Just look at Kick-Ass he's at least able to act in those. But again, he was given crap to do in those movies, and lines that weren't boring and pointless. He does one thing in the narrative that is smart, and I'm 90% sure that's why his character is "the main character." That and being Bryan Cranston's characters son.

Elizabeth Olson on the other hand, despite being extremely talented and one of the most sought after younger actresses today does literally nothing in this movie that is redeemable and just comes off as the pointless wife/love interest to Taylor-Johnson's character. She literally just camps herself in LA, while the monsters are fighting, she doesn't let her son leave the area, until the last fucking minute, and she does all of this why? Because for some reason, the screenwriter thought it would be a good idea for Ford Brody (Taylor-Johnson) to ask his wife to wait there for him, and for her to say "okay" in response.

 

Godzilla does not like your treatment of women in his movie!

All of that being said, this isn't much different from the norm in Hollywood, and I'm only really upset about it, because it's the god damn norm and I don't understand why. Not only do I not understand why it's the norm, I don't know why it doesn't bother other people. Her character could have been written out of the entire movie, along with the son, and literally nothing would have changed. Ford would have went to Japan to bail his dad out of Jail, then he would have went to Hawaii, then Vegas, Then LA for the climax because all he was doing was following the Kaiju on his way to LA. He wasn't going to LA to get to his family, he was going there because that's where the monsters were. Having his family in LA only served to add some bullshit lines about how he "has to get to LA, because his family is there." If he cared about his family's safety he would have said something like "hey, LA isn't safe babe, get out. Love you, bye." But no, he tells her to stay there and wait for him, the big strong army man to come rescue her from the monsters that are taller than every skyscraper in the city. Sure, Godzilla's a nice guy, but those Muto's certainly are not. Further, even though Godzilla is a "nice guy" he still destroys countless buildings fighting these things. How would Ford Brody have felt if his wife were in one of those hundreds of buildings that got crushed in the final climactic fight? The narrative seems to tell me he wouldn't have cared. 

I got to tell you, if this film is any indication of the chemistry between Taylor-Johnson and Olson, I have some bad news for Avengers: Age of Ultron, even though the two of them are only siblings in that movie, it still doesn't speak well. But Whedon can likely direct the two of them a lot better than the relatively unknown Gareth Edwards, whose pretty much known for this Film and one other called Monsters that he did back in 2010.

The lighting reminds me a lot of Pacific Rim, and that's a good thing. When it's dark you can still see everything going down, nothing is to obscured in shadow. The cinematographer was the director of photography for the Avengers as well, Seamus McGarvey. It kind of shows in the ease of following the conflict while still being in a big city and moving through skyscrapers. Though most of the fight can be shot from above them, as both Godzilla and the female Muto are bigger than every skyscraper in the city, the male Muto, not so much, but he can fly. 

 

Something I just remembered about the silliness of the military in this film was their inability to understand what an EMP can do. The Mutos launch EMP strikes with their Talon's and this is apparently forgotten when the military decided to send Jets after them, more than once.

Despite all of my qualms with the minor issues of the film, I couldn't help but be left in awe of the spectacle that I was watching. This wasn't the 1998 Roland Emmerich Godzilla, nor was it in any way similar to what we would have gotten if it were Michael Bay's Godzilla. It was still a well made monster movie, with a rather poor human script, but in all honesty what Godzilla movie doesn't have a rather poor human script? I can't really think of one that isn't at some point weak, aside from maybe the original 1954 Gojira. The nods to older films were nice, especially those that we haven't seen in a Godzilla film not made by a Japanese studio. It was very nice to see the tail start to light up, and the pay off of said tail lighting up, as well as the nods to the destruction of the trains, neither by Godzilla though, because he's the good guy.

All in all I enjoyed myself, more so than I did with The Amazing Spider-Man 2 a few weeks back. I'm still having trouble with this whole x/10 rating system. I'm not sure if it's because I don't like doing that whole thing any more, or if I have to see a movie more than once in order to justify a number based rating. But as of right now, Godzilla (2014) receives an 8.5/10.

And in other news, a sequel is already in development (source). Godzilla apparently dominated the box office this past weekend grossing roughly $93.2 million in just the U.S. alone as well as taking home another $103 million from the international market. The box office success has apparently persuaded Legendary pictures to promise that a sequel is in development. Personally I wouldn't buy into the other hype in the article about a Pacific Rim and Godzilla crossover. One, it wouldn't make any sense, and two I would only imagine that Godzilla would be fighting Gypsy Danger or another Jaeger only to lose because we are man and we destroy monster with mighty robot. Though I wouldn't mind seeing separate sequels for both films, especially if the main cast of Pacific Rim sticks around for the sequel. Godzilla can recast for all I care.

Here have a trailer for another one of my most anticipated movies of the Summer, coming in August:  Guardians of the Galaxy.