I Survived the Television Apocalypse

Backstreet's Back... Alright.

It's official, Sunday did not kill me, and while it is currently 6:36 PM on Monday and I am still wrapping up the insane Sunday night line up of television by writing this and watching Homeland simultaneously. It's a bit of a hard task, especially considering that Homeland is such a good show, but I had to post something, and I couldn't let Homeland wait until Tomorrow or later tonight after 11:00. 

The Monday night line up isn't anything to shake a stick at either, If I don't watch those three hours of CBS programming live, I would be attached to another object by an inclined plane, wrapped helically around an axis. That's right, screwed.

And yes, I did steal that from The Big Bang Theory, and that is why I included the Bazinga .GIF. God, Homeland is a great show, Sorry to go off on this tangent (I'm really not sorry, that was just a formality) but, I have literally no idea why I am writing this while watching it. I have it paused right now to finish this thought, but the next words I type, after this sentence, will be following the completion of the episode. 

Okay, so the episode was exceedingly better than I had expected it to be. Season two was such a drop in quality over season one that I didn't really think the show would be able to come back to the feel of season one. But somehow it managed, perhaps it was the lack of Brody, and the entire tonal shift of the show. What made season two so weak was that tonally it tried to be a carbon copy of season one, but the material called for something different, something more grim and dark, but they kept the tone the same. Now it's much darker than before, forget the ending though.

In true Homeland fashion however, they had Claire Danes do her crying thing, in the final shot of the episode. I have nothing against Danes at all, I'm actually a fan. But the show does this, a lot, too much even. So much so that it has become the main reason as to why people are not able to take the show post season one seriously. It almost gave it a comedic undertone when they more than likely did not want to. 

When these images have become what people think of when you say Homeland, you've made a mistake somewhere along the line. I get it, she is really good at conveying emotion, especially sadness, and bat-shit insanity. But when that is all you have her do it's just too much.

How about that Breaking Bad though. I'm sad it's over, yet so damn happy with the way it ended. I do my best to avoid spoilers. But be warned, they may exist in the coming paragraphs, albeit subtly, so, tread lightly. See what I did there? No? Uhhh...

How about now? Got it? Good. From a writing standpoint, as an aspiring screenwriter/novelist. Breaking Bad is the ideal. It has become the level of writing I strive for, something that episode after episode improves on itself culminating into a finale, that not only ties up all the loose ends, but does so in a way that satisfies its audience. It's the kind of writing that someone can only dream of achieving solo, let alone on a team. All I can do now is hope that one day I will be fortunate enough to work on something as spectacular as Breaking Bad was, just so I can rub it in people's faces and say "Yeah, I wrote that."

Masters of Sex, Showtime's new show, had its premiere last night as well, but apparently the first two episodes had been posted online for quite a long time before hand. I was unaware of this and so I watched both episodes this afternoon between my classes. Luckily, my school work hasn't been so overwhelming as to keep me from watching all the shows, and writing this. The show has quickly rose in my rankings of premium cable, breaking the top 10 possibly even top 5 with just the premiere, and it's not just because of the copious amounts of nudity and sex in the show. It's the way the show is filmed, acted, and written.

Being that I watch, basically all the shows on HBO and Showtime, excluding House of Lies and Shameless (because I haven't gotten to them yet), and plenty of R rated films, sex and nudity has left the list for viable reasons to watch a show. Period shows seem to be consistently fantastic, at least on HBO or Showtime. Boardwalk Empire, Deadwood (from word of mouth), and now Masters of Sex. That, and Lizzy Caplan is in it.

No Lizzy, you are. God, it takes me forever to write these, probably because I watch shows while I write it so a lot of my time is spent watching television, rather than writing about it. As I am watching Mom right now, I notice a trend in upcoming shows involving teen pregnancy in comedies, so much so I'm surprised Modern Family hasn't tackled that one yet. I guess that's just more props to Modern Family, but this seems to be the launching point for both Mom and Welcome to the Family (aptly abbreviated to WTTF), Hostages even (which is starting soon). As much as I respect Modern Family for not going this route, there's still a whole season to go, and so many kids that can end up as parents themselves, and I feel that from a writing standpoint Modern Family would pull the swerve that both girls wind up pregnant at the same time. Maybe that is a bit too predictable.

Hostages starts soon, and then I have to try and knock out all the other things that I missed, so I'm going to try and wrap this up as quickly as possible. 

So, movies, haven't touched that list yet, it's still at 107. There wasn't a midnight movie last week, and I was just too unobservant to notice. Actually it's probably a bit more than 107, because there's a few HBO movies that came out, most notably Behind the Candelabra and Clear History. Gah, I am bad at this wrapping up thing. 

I haven't been writing nearly as much as I should be. Nor have I been reading much either. I have hundreds of books on my Kindle, and have only read/listened to A Storm of Swords. I want to read Gone Girl, but I just don't have the time and I should. I don't know why television has taken this hold over me, but I can't seem to break it. THERE'S JUST SO MANY SHOWS AND I CAN'T HANDLE IT!

I really need to write more of my book. Actually, I just need to write more in general. It's a tough horse to get back on after you take such a long time off. I planned on this being somewhat of a kick starter to getting me back on, but that hasn't happened yet. I just kind of write this, instead of that. Because I only have the free time to write this.

Didn't i say I was going to wrap this up like four paragraphs and 35 minutes of writing ago... Yep, I did do that. It's not really writer's block, it's just I don't sit down to write, I just do my homework, then watch my shows, and either play a game, or decide I should start watching another show I haven't watched yet for whatever stupid reason pops into my head. I pretty much watch everything as it is, I don't need that to become literally everything. 

Help me, I have a serious wrapping things up problem. I just can't seem to do it. So here's a video, I'll see you in a few days:

I am NOT Prepared for Sunday

I woke up a few hours ago to an email from my professor saying that both of my classes today were cancelled. So I slept for another hour and woke up.

So I decided to finish writing a glorious Ekphrastic poem for my Advanced poetry class and then come here and continue this pathetic excuse for a blog. If you recall from... Wednesday's (?) blog post, I watch a crazy amount of things, and that I "need serious help." That was a lie, the serious help part, everything else is very much true, and as the title of this blog suggests, no, I am not prepared for Sunday.

But before we get to Sunday (Nice segue Tom), I need to talk about tonight and tomorrow night. There's a few things going on tonight here in Brockport for the average bear. Average bear in this scenario refers to any college student or person visiting Brockport today for some reason. Firstly it's Friday, and that means a new Legend of Korra episode at seven. Also, because it is the 26th that means that the IT Crowd special is tonight.

If you haven't seen IT Crowd yet, watch it. There's only 24 episodes, about 20 minutes a pop, you could watch the whole show in like 480 minutes, it'd really be closer to 500 minutes, but still, that's not that much. That and IT Crowd happens to be one of the best comedies of all time. Okay, that's a stretch, IT Crowd happens to be one of my favorite comedies of all time. There, that sounds like a more respectable statement. But seriously, it only takes around eight hours to watch the whole series,do it, now, go, this blog will still be here when you're done watching the awesomeness that is IT Crowd. 

But then tonight at 8:30, at the college, in Brockport. B.J. Novak is doing stand-up, and it's free to students and I don't care how much it is to non students, because I am a student. I think it's like five or ten dollars. Looked it up, apparently Alumni tickets are $10 while the general public have a $20 price tag. But yeah, B.J. Novak, you know, Ryan Howard from the Office: 

Yeah, apparently he does stand up. Who knew, right? Or at least that is how the college is advertising the event, regardless I will be enthralled no matter what the man does. I'm a huge fan of The Office, Hell, I'm wearing this for Pete's sake (Who the Hell is Pete by the way, and why does he get a saying?):

He could jokingly endorse rape and I wouldn't care. Okay, I'd care a little, but I'm sure he could make it funny. Most comedians do. And don't give me that whole "rape jokes are never funny" crap. Lighten up, learn to take dark things less seriously, because once we make an exception as to what cannot be joked about, we have to make more exceptions. While yes that does sound like a slippery slope argument, it isn't because this one is actually true. It isn't absurd at all. We say rape jokes aren't allowed because they happen to offend people, then anyone can come around and say well I'm offended by Dead babies, murder, sex, and food jokes. Whose to say that the person who is offended by food jokes has any less a right to have to listen to food jokes than the people offended by rape jokes. No one, that's who. We just have to deal with things that make us uncomfortable. Because that's what life is, a big uncomfortable rape joke. Anywhere, here is my proof to the existence of the event, and that I am going:

Sorry, but for some reason, no matter which way I hold my phone the pictures are always vertical. At least it's still legible... if you tilt your head 90 degrees to the right. For some reason my name is half cut off of the bottom of the ticket, so that kind of proves it's my ticket. But then again, I could just be some Photoshop expert making all of this up. Lets not even discuss the fact that I don't have Photoshop, and have never used Photoshop, and likely never will, that's aside from the point.

Also tonight, at midnight, is the $1.00 midnight movie. Tonight's movies of choice were Insidious: Chapter 2, Prisoners, and Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs 2. Personally I was hoping for Don Jon, maybe even Rush, but I'm glad Prisoners is still there, because it's still on my list and that allows me to knock 107 movies to 106.

Saturday, is when I either, begin to make a dent on the 106 remaining films, or play Grand Theft Auto V all day. Decisions man, they be tough. There's also the premiere of Saturday Night Live with Tina Fey and Arcade fire and practically a brand new cast. To be fair though, I don't think Seth Meyers is leaving until Late Night is open when Fallon takes over the Tonight Show. But still, Bill Hader, Jason Sudekis, and Andy Samberg all left. And apparently Cecily Strong will be his (Meyer's) new co-anchor for the Weekend Update segment (Source) personally I was hoping for Taran Killam, because he didn't really have any guest roles in the Weekend Update, at least any memorable ones. Cecily at least had "that one girl you regret starting a conversation with at the party." At least we'll still get some good ol' Drunk Uncle, and hopefully at some point the return of Peter Drunklage. 

Now, Sunday. Sunday, the 29th of September, 2013. My mortal enemy. Let me just give you a list. A list of all the shows that are happening this Sunday.

1. One Piece (S16E35) @9:30 AM - Fuji TV

2. The Big Fat Quiz of the 90's (2) 1:00 PM - Channel 4

3. Once Upon a Time (Hour long special) @7:00 PM - ABC

4: Once Upon a Time (S03E01) @8:00 PM - ABC

5. The Simpsons (S25E01) @8:00 PM - Fox

6. Bob's Burger (S04E01) @8:30 PM - Fox

7. Boardwalk Empire (S04E04) @9:00 PM - HBO

8. Breaking Bad (S05E16 - Series Finale) @9:00 PM - AMC

9. Family Guy (S12E01) @9:00 PM - Fox

10. Homeland (S03E01) @9:00 PM - Showtime

11. American Dad (S10E01) @9:30 PM - Fox

12. Eastbound & Down (S04E01) @10:00 PM - HBO

13. Low Winter Sun (S01E08) @10:00 PM - AMC

14. Masters of Sex (S01E01 - Series Premiere) @10:00 PM - Showtime

15. Hello Ladies (S01E01 - Series Premiere) @10:30 PM - HBO

16. Talking Bad (S01E08 - Series Finale) @11:00 PM - AMC

That's one day. I don't really want to go in what Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday look like, but I will. Let's just say that if you add up the total number of shows for those three days, you get 30 (8, 12, and 10 respectively). So that's 46 shows, over the course of four days. Maybe I do actually need serious help. How do I find the time to do anything else? Oh that's right, I don't. I've had Grand Theft Auto V for about a week and a half now, played maybe ten hours of it. I can't look up how much time played, because that would be severely inaccurate with the amount of time it has spent paused.

And on top of all of that, yeah, there's more. I have six episodes of American Horror Story: Asylum left.

And now to watch the majority of those six episodes, here's another video so you don't forget about me: 

Welcome to My Some-What Ordinary Life

And so it begins, the first post of what I hope to be a long standing blog, that is entirely about me. You may have noticed that slight egotism. Believe me, I'm not egotistical in the slightest. If anything, I hate myself but love my writing. It's cathartic, I suffer from self diagnosed mild depression.

Some days, I'm chipper and ready to tackle the day, most every other day I just want to sit around and do nothing. Writing helps me escape from those days. Writing and Film.

Any form of cinematic experience really, from your everyday movie, to nearly every television show on the planet. No really, I watch that much television. If you haven't heard of the app I'm about to mention, and you watch a decent amount of shows, I highly recommend it. There's a free version, and a not so free version. the not so free version is worth it though, and you'll just have to take my word on that. Anyway, the app is SeriesGuide, SeriesGuide X for the not so free version. The app allows you to keep track of shows you are currently watching, and it lets you know when the next episode is going to air, or when shows are going to go into mid-season or just take a week or two off before coming back with another episode. The reason I brought up the app in the first place though was because it has this fancy "statistics" feature that tells you how many shows have an upcoming episode (or episodes that you haven't watched yet) that you're watching. It also tells you how many episodes of different shows you have managed to waste your life away watching and how much time that adds up to. And to prove my TV addiction, here is how the app reads out my statistics:

240 shows

98 With Next Episodes

134 Continuing

22565 Episodes

20223 Watched

542 days 13 hours 57 minutes

And that's just what it's currently at. After today, that watched total will go up by 11, and the total time in turn will increase. It's easy to say that I need an intervention of sorts, I mean, I am currently writing this during the season two premiere of Revolution AND OH MY GOD NO! okay, I lied, it wasn't during commercials and shit just went down. Not him, WHY DID IT HAVE TO BE HIM! Sorry, they just killed off the best character in the show, and I am slightly upset. GAH.

I'm in denial that that just happened, this has to be a dream, I mean, there's 10 minutes left in the episode. This wasn't a cliffhanger where they save the character two minutes into the next episode. No, this was a chest getting slashed open with a machete, guy falling over, people trying to save him, body going stiff, and pulse check, with verbal "he's dead" confirmation. I refuse to accept this.

I... I... I don't want to watch this show anymore. He was the only reason I finished season one, and unless some science fiction miracle happens in the next minute of the show, I quit. I will, don't teHOLY SHIT. HE FUCKING WOKE UP. THIS WAS NOT PLANNED I SWEAR.

I promise you, I am not writing this after the fact of seeing the episode. That was pure anger turned to joy, in seconds, and you got to read it in real time. But now, Modern Family time. Two episodes. After that would be the penultimate episode of The Bridge. Talk about a show that is all over the place, it's probably the only FX show that I take issue with the writing. Granted I don't watch Justified to have enough of an opinion on it, and I probably should, because like everything else on FX it's more than likely fantastic. But I mean, when you are writing a television show, you just don't write it the way The Bridge is being written.

Go to any show, any show, and tell me if what I'm about to say is incorrect. Each season of a narrative drama tends to have a single overarching story line, it may have inner stories worked in that lead to things in the overarching plot. Anyway, the show consists of 13 episodes in total, and with episode 12 tonight, with the way episode 11 ended the show appears to be entering it's third, THIRD, main story line for the main two cops. Unless something fantastically stupid happens in the first five minutes of the episode that continues the plot started on episode 8 after the first overarching story ended.

Don't get me wrong, I love The Bridge. It's a great show, the writing isn't terrible, it's really just the way they have framed the story, and hopefully when season two comes along that will be fixed. Or am I just over reacting and my theory that there should only be one main story per season is just me being a know-nothing loser that doesn't know how to write good television.That may be the case, the only screen play I wrote was for the third Sherlock Holmes movie for a class. and that was around forty five pages, the typical length of an hour long television show (42 minutes) and I got a 95 on that. Not that that really means anything. Hell, it wasn't a 100, and I didn't bother to try and send it to some place so that it could be filmed, that wouldn't make much sense, I would need like another 60 to 70 pages for it to be the appropriate length of a feature film. And that's more than twice the length of what I had written.

Granted it only took me like, ten hours to write what I had. So if it only takes me a day, to write a somewhat decent script to a movie. I feel pretty good about myself. Especially considering screenwriting is one of the things I want to do with my life. The others would be to write terribly boring books no one in their right mind wants to read but would love to watch on television, and to grow old and die with someone I love. Lame right? That old cliche.

But in all seriousness, until recently I thought I had found that person. What's that you ask? More Cliches? You bet your ass there will be more cliches. Yeah basically it was your typical friends since grade school develop feelings for each other and date for a while. Only problem is, I'm a terrible boyfriend, or at least that's how it ended the first time. Yep, the first time. I have trouble relaying information to people. I know right, in this day and age, with the cell phones, and the Twitters, and the Facebooks, you would think It'd be easy for someone to tell another person something. Well that's not the case if you happen to be a some-what socially awkward anti-socialite. Some time after the initial "break-up" we decided to give it another "old college try" the problem this time, at least according to her, was the distance. Apparently living an hour apart, while neither party has a car is not a good relationship make. Who knew?

Now I'm not blaming anyone for the fact that our relationship ended, and because I know she is likely reading this, I just want to reaffirm that while yes my feelings were hurt, I'm over it, and I understand. I get why you ended it, I do, I just don't understand why it had to be the night of the day before I came home while I was writing my final project for a class (Which was the aforementioned screenplay for that Sherlock Holmes movie). Bee Tee Dubs, we totes need to talk about things girl, so give me a call or something, I'd prefer something, calls scare me. Now that this is incredibly awkward, how about we move on to a different subject.

Thanks for your approval Dr. Chase. I'm looking at the checklist of things I wanted to cover in the first one of these, and I've covered almost everything. So how about we discuss Atheism. There's a red word nobody ever wants to read or talk about for whatever reason. I'll admit that it has its negative connotations, some serious negative connotations. But I promise you I am not that type of atheist. I'm the good kind of atheist, you know, the one that doesn't give a crap about what you choose to be and what you choose to do as long as you can respect me enough to do the same. Yep, that kind of atheist. 

I've kind of grown out of the whole, talking about it, sort of thing. That is giving my reasons and feeling the need to explain myself. Nobody is asked, why they are a Christian, Muslim, or whatever, or at least I haven't seen that happen or experienced it when I was a Christian. Why does this need to be any different? Rhetorical question, please don't answer it.

I'm also a straight edge. Yep, remember when I said I don't fit into the norm? Or did I not say that? I don't fit into the norm. Remember when I said I don't fit into the norm, now? For those unaware as to what a Straight Edge individual is, and yes, I do quite commonly get asked what that means. Simply put, it's as follows: The philosophy/life-choice that humans should have strength, pride, dignity, honor, and self respect; that they shouldn't engage in activities that are a disgrace to their minds and bodies. Such as ingesting and/or becoming addicted to harmful substances for fun, lying and/or being two-faced, and sharing your body sexually with another person when there isn't even a true emotional bond there. And that's pretty much me. I don't drink, don't tobacco it up, and I don't participate in the use of potentially harmful substances like marijuana and cocaine. I also don't believe in having sex before a strong emotional connection is formed, I'm what most people would call a square.

I pretty much live in Squaresville. By the way, if you haven't seen the web series, here's a link to the playlist for season one. It's good stuff. click here for cookies.

Sorry, I lied about the cookies. There are no cookies.

While we're on the subject of YouTube and things on YouTube I'd like to bring up one channel in particular. CTFxC I assume I am quite late to the game on these guys, I only just recently this year started watching their videos. But I have watched all the big one's and for the past month and a half have watched all of their daily vlogs. The vlogs follow Charles and Allie Trippy in their everyday lives. They've been doing them for 1608 days straight as of today, and Charles just had brain surgery, so if you want a rather emotional roller coaster. Just click on that link to their channel and enjoy.

Lastly, I want to talk about movies. Mainly how many of them I have somehow managed to convince myself I have to watch before the year ends.The main reason I have so many is because I decided that for some reason I would be lazy over the summer and not really do anything but play old final fantasy games and watch HBO shows I haven't seen yet. I did so little this Summer it's almost insulting to how much I've managed to do so far in this semester with all of the work I have to do for classes on top of everything else. I didn't watch much movies over the summer, and in turn, didn't watch much over the course of the year either. But if you want to see a list of the summer movies I saw, here it is, and in no particular order:

1. The Wolverine

2. Star Trek: Into Darkness

3. Now You See Me

4. The Hangover Part III

5. Fast & Furious 6

6. This is the End

7. Man of Steel

8. World War Z

9. After Earth

10. The Lone Ranger

11. Kick Ass 2

Now some may see that list, and think, that that isn't a bad list. In fact it seems quite productive. Keep in mind that on average, I watch around one hundred movies a year. Progressively watching more and more each year. Right now, my to watch list, that I will begin to dig into once I finish American Horror Story: Asylum sits at 107 films, granted I probably won't watch all of them or won't even be able to watch some of them. But I do expect my total number of films count by the end of this year to be over 100. 

I seriously need help.

Here's a video to tie you over until my return in a few days: 

Coming Soon to a Computer Screen Near You

I've been debating doing something like this for quite some times, and I finally got around to doing it. With all I do in my personal life, which isn't much of a life to be completely honest, I don't have much free time, and that hurts my writing. So I decided to do this, sort of as a way to get me back in the groove of this whole writing thing. Whether or not that gets me anywhere in this "blog" world - if that is even a thing - or not is a completely different story.

This initial post is really just to let people know that something is coming, in the very near future, and it isn't just winter.

The Rules:

1. Don't be an ass-hat, nobody likes an ass-hat. Ass-hat's are not nice people, they are mean people. Mean people do not belong here, if you are a mean person, please go to a different place where mean people get together and are mean to each other.
2. No dubstep, I don't like dubstep, I don't want to see dubstep. Just... no dubstep. There is only one dubstep I tolerate, and this is that dubstep:

3. If I use improper grammar, please just deal with it. I don't proofread unless I am going for serious publication, or am doing something for a job. This is so that I can vent, and others can read about my terribly boring and silly life. So please, no "Grammar Nazis." 

4. There are no more rules. Even this one isn't a rule, it's just some cliche a lot of people like to put in things to try to be funny, even saying it's a cliche is a cliche now, so much so that saying it's a cliche is also itself a cliche. 

The Expectations:

1. Stuff about my life, what I'm doing, what I've done. Who I've killed, who I've dated, who my best friend is, what I'm writing, what I'm listening to, what I'm watching. All of that, and more, so try not to be bored when reading.
2. Some fun, or not so fun, videos, .GIFs (it's pronounced gif, you know like the way it looks it should be pronounced, not Jiff here. That's a brand of peanut butter) and memes of all kinds. You know, for the kids. And the people with ADD.
3. Stream of thought writing. Again, this is meant to be a place where I vent about life, my life, and thus a lot of what pops into my head will be written down. So it's probably important to take everything I write with a grain of salt and treat it as a not so well thought out opinion. Unless it is a well thought out opinion, in that case, call me out on it. I enjoy a good debate.
4. Hate it, I expect people to hate this. I understand this won't be for everyone, and that some of the things I will say will be very anti the norm. But I also want to use that as a way to begin a discussion, either with me, if you the reader be so willing, or among other people in your own lives.

So until the first actual post comes along, I'll leave you all with another lovely song by Ylvis: