Runtime: 01:52:02
Total Runtime: 16:27:37
I'm back. I took a month or two off to decompress cause 2020 was a shit-show, and I watched like 80 movies in the span of three weeks to finish my "must watch movies of 2020" list. I still have two left. "News of the World" and "One Night in Miami" and I'll be getting to those shortly, with my annual best and worst of lists following shortly after.
The other, more prominent reason for the delay was this movie. It sucks.
Not in a "this movie is bad" way, but more in a "this movie is boring" way. Needless to say, This will be a relatively short review in comparison to the previous seven parts.
Jumping right in we start with narration for Odin, just like the opening of the first film, this time he explains the history of the Dark Elves and the Aether, the MacGuffin of this film, eventually revealed to be the second Infinity Stone - the Reality Stone.
Loki is arrested and sentenced to the dungeons for his crimes in New York and Thor obliterates a rock being.
After his battle and back in Asgard, Odin advises Thor to forget about Jane, but she's played by Natalie Portman which makes doing so impossible until she isn't in the movies anymore after this film. Though she will return in 2022.
We go to London where Jane is on a date with boring man, Richard, played by Chris O'Dowd who I wish had way more screentime, along with a better character to play. Darcy interrupts, shows Jane some readings and they ditch Richard finding a place with weird gravity and portals. Jane enters a Portal, for some reason touches a glowing obelisk of doom, and is infused with the Aether - Heimdall sees this with his magic eyes. Also, an intern throws their car keys in a portal and they don't come back.
Thor returns to Earth, and Jane promptly slaps him, twice. Thor takes her to Asgard to treat the Aether problem.
Thor believed the aether had been destroyed long ago, Odin reveals he lied. Meanwhile, Frigga visits Loki in a touching scene, though heartbreakingly it's revealed that she was an illusion the whole time created by Loki. He just wants to be loved.
Thor explains the Convergence to Jane, where all the universes align and the Aether can be used to destroy them? or unite them? or something evil that the Dark Elves want to do. A prison break occurs by some Dark Elves and Loki tells them to use the stairs to the left.
Heimdall crashes one of the invading ships which he could see despite it being invisible, but for some reason couldn't see the hundreds of other ships. They invade after the shields are deactivated through the Prison Break. Frigga tries to hide Jane, Malekith, the leader of the Dark Elves kills her to get the Aether from Jane, Thor strikes him with lightning.
The best scene in the movie happens. It's the funeral scene, it's sad and beautiful.
Odin has Jane locked up to use her as bait for Malekith's return, Thor prefers to bring the fight to him. Thor asks Heimdall to help him commit Treason, but to do so he needs Loki's help. Loki puts on the facade that he is fine, but he isn't. Thor asks for help, he accepts.
Jane slaps Loki. Which causes him to like her.
Heimdall admits his treason to hold off Odin while Thor, Loki, and Jane escape to confront Malekith - decapitation their grandfather['s statue] in the process. They use Loki's skills of description to trick him hoping to destroy the Aether when he removes it from Jane. It doesn't work. Malekith takes the Aether into himself, they fight, and Loki is stabbed and dies.
Thor and Jane hide in a cave, they find their stuff from earlier they threw into the portal and take the portal to London. Thor charmingly hangs Mjolnir on a coatrack.
Loki is revealed to be not dead, Thor still believes him to be though. Malekith arrives on Earth, they use devices to help them find portals caused by the convergence, the battle has them flying all over the place and myuh-myuh tries to keep up.
The heroes win, obviously.
On Asgard again, Thor refuses kingship from Odin, stating Earth needs his help. Thor leaves and Loki is revealed to have disguised himself as Odin - No word on what he has done with the All-father.
The team on Earth are having breakfast, Thor arrives, he and Jane kiss, roll credits. Mid-credits the warrior three bring the Collector the Aether stating "it's unsafe to have two Infinity Stones in one place.
The collector accepts. Post-credits a creature from Jotunheim is on Earth chasing some birds.
I'm not entirely sure why this one is so hard to get through. What I do know is the first two Thor films are incredibly weak in the villain department. So much so the first film doesn't really have a "main antagonist" that is defeated by the hero. Loki is the central villain, and his plan fails and he falls into space. This movie has Space Elves that want to return the universe to its natural state of darkness by destroying it. which would leave them without a home, but Evil be Evil I guess.
The fight scenes here are far more impressive than those of the first film, but the plot lacks focus and sense to make the film enjoyable. Everything on Asgard is incredibly boring, and everything on Earth is the typical MCU comedy. Luckily the third Thor film fixes the tonal issues. But God, this movie's a mess. I also left out the Selvig goes crazy storyline, cause it's literally pointless. The end.
Official MCU 23 film ranking:
- Iron Man 3 (2013)
- Captain America: The First Avenger (2011)
- The Avengers (2012)
- Iron Man (2008)
- Thor (2011)
- Iron Man 2 (2010)
- The Incredible Hulk (2008)
- Thor: The Dark World (2013)
Coming up next are two of the best movies in the MCU, followed then by one of the worst. But first, "Captain America: The Winter Soldier."
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