Hi, I'm Tom Holmes, an aspiring author of stories, films, and the such. I'm a recent graduate of the State University of New York the College at Brockport with a Creative Writing Major and Film Studies Minor. I'm a bit of a socially awkward cinephile forced to lock myself away for days just to watch that next season of [insert show title here] that's just been added to Netflix. I hope you enjoy this terrible blog.
I'm back. I took a month or two off to decompress cause 2020 was a shit-show, and I watched like 80 movies in the span of three weeks to finish my "must watch movies of 2020" list. I still have two left. "News of the World" and "One Night in Miami" and I'll be getting to those shortly, with my annual best and worst of lists following shortly after.
The other, more prominent reason for the delay was this movie. It sucks.
Not in a "this movie is bad" way, but more in a "this movie is boring" way. Needless to say, This will be a relatively short review in comparison to the previous seven parts.
Jumping right in we start with narration for Odin, just like the opening of the first film, this time he explains the history of the Dark Elves and the Aether, the MacGuffin of this film, eventually revealed to be the second Infinity Stone - the Reality Stone.
Loki is arrested and sentenced to the dungeons for his crimes in New York and Thor obliterates a rock being.
After his battle and back in Asgard, Odin advises Thor to forget about Jane, but she's played by Natalie Portman which makes doing so impossible until she isn't in the movies anymore after this film. Though she will return in 2022.
We go to London where Jane is on a date with boring man, Richard, played by Chris O'Dowd who I wish had way more screentime, along with a better character to play. Darcy interrupts, shows Jane some readings and they ditch Richard finding a place with weird gravity and portals. Jane enters a Portal, for some reason touches a glowing obelisk of doom, and is infused with the Aether - Heimdall sees this with his magic eyes. Also, an intern throws their car keys in a portal and they don't come back.
Thor returns to Earth, and Jane promptly slaps him, twice. Thor takes her to Asgard to treat the Aether problem.
Thor believed the aether had been destroyed long ago, Odin reveals he lied. Meanwhile, Frigga visits Loki in a touching scene, though heartbreakingly it's revealed that she was an illusion the whole time created by Loki. He just wants to be loved.
Thor explains the Convergence to Jane, where all the universes align and the Aether can be used to destroy them? or unite them? or something evil that the Dark Elves want to do. A prison break occurs by some Dark Elves and Loki tells them to use the stairs to the left.
Heimdall crashes one of the invading ships which he could see despite it being invisible, but for some reason couldn't see the hundreds of other ships. They invade after the shields are deactivated through the Prison Break. Frigga tries to hide Jane, Malekith, the leader of the Dark Elves kills her to get the Aether from Jane, Thor strikes him with lightning.
The best scene in the movie happens. It's the funeral scene, it's sad and beautiful.
Odin has Jane locked up to use her as bait for Malekith's return, Thor prefers to bring the fight to him. Thor asks Heimdall to help him commit Treason, but to do so he needs Loki's help. Loki puts on the facade that he is fine, but he isn't. Thor asks for help, he accepts.
Jane slaps Loki. Which causes him to like her.
Heimdall admits his treason to hold off Odin while Thor, Loki, and Jane escape to confront Malekith - decapitation their grandfather['s statue] in the process. They use Loki's skills of description to trick him hoping to destroy the Aether when he removes it from Jane. It doesn't work. Malekith takes the Aether into himself, they fight, and Loki is stabbed and dies.
Thor and Jane hide in a cave, they find their stuff from earlier they threw into the portal and take the portal to London. Thor charmingly hangs Mjolnir on a coatrack.
Loki is revealed to be not dead, Thor still believes him to be though. Malekith arrives on Earth, they use devices to help them find portals caused by the convergence, the battle has them flying all over the place and myuh-myuh tries to keep up.
The heroes win, obviously.
On Asgard again, Thor refuses kingship from Odin, stating Earth needs his help. Thor leaves and Loki is revealed to have disguised himself as Odin - No word on what he has done with the All-father.
The team on Earth are having breakfast, Thor arrives, he and Jane kiss, roll credits. Mid-credits the warrior three bring the Collector the Aether stating "it's unsafe to have two Infinity Stones in one place.
The collector accepts. Post-credits a creature from Jotunheim is on Earth chasing some birds.
I'm not entirely sure why this one is so hard to get through. What I do know is the first two Thor films are incredibly weak in the villain department. So much so the first film doesn't really have a "main antagonist" that is defeated by the hero. Loki is the central villain, and his plan fails and he falls into space. This movie has Space Elves that want to return the universe to its natural state of darkness by destroying it. which would leave them without a home, but Evil be Evil I guess.
The fight scenes here are far more impressive than those of the first film, but the plot lacks focus and sense to make the film enjoyable. Everything on Asgard is incredibly boring, and everything on Earth is the typical MCU comedy. Luckily the third Thor film fixes the tonal issues. But God, this movie's a mess. I also left out the Selvig goes crazy storyline, cause it's literally pointless. The end.
Official MCU 23 film ranking:
Iron Man 3 (2013)
Captain America: The First Avenger (2011)
The Avengers (2012)
Iron Man (2008)
Thor (2011)
Iron Man 2 (2010)
The Incredible Hulk (2008)
Thor: The Dark World (2013)
Coming up next are two of the best movies in the MCU, followed then by one of the worst. But first, "Captain America: The Winter Soldier."
I've been looking forward to this one since I started. The "Thor" series of films hold a soft-spot in my heart. I recognize that both the first and the second to a greater extent, aren't the better films in the series. It's likely due to my interests in mythologies.
This was the one that I went back to and watched the most in the early 2010s, most likely due to my longstanding crush on Natalie Portman. Thanks, "V for Vendetta."
This is also the beginning of the MCU's exploration of Marvel's cosmic side. Not quite in full, like "Guardians of the Galaxy" will in 2014, but the start none the less.
We open the movie with our science trio Jane Foster (Natalie Portman), Erik Selvig (Stellan Skarsgård), and intern Darcy Lewis (Kat Dennings). They are investigating a string of "atmospheric disturbances" supposed to come off as "subtle aurora," as stated by Selvig. But instead, they find a sky-beam-tornado and crash into a man, later revealed to be Thor. "Where did he come from?"
Following this brief opening scene, we receive narration from Odin (Anthony Hopkins) who tells of the story of the Gods, why humans worship them, as well as their conquering of the Frost Giants. We then see Odin with a young Thor and Loki overlooking the Frost Giant weapon-box-thing, The Casket of Ancient Winters. Here we see the first hints at Thor's arrogance as he wants to slay all the Ice Giants, and Odin tries to sway him away from causing a war, warning him instead to simply be prepared for one. We then fast forward to Thor's would-be coronation as King, cockiness in full display here.
His coronation is cut short by the arrival of three Frost Giants, and they want their weapon-box-thing so they can use their ice powers more effectively against Asgard and start a war. The plan caught by Odin, cause he's the All-Father and he knows all and sees all with his one eye. Odin summons The Destroyer, a big metal fire breathing robot-thing, and it kills the Frost Giants.
Thor does not take too kindly to the Frost Giant invasion and wants to go to war. Odin says no, and Thor pouts and flips a table. Loki (Tom Hiddleston), gets in Thor's ear and says "Hey bro, forget what dad said let's go mess up the Frost Giants" - Only in a less obvious way. Thor falls for Loki's ploy and brings along his best buddies Lady Sif (Jamie Alexander) and the Warriors Three to Jötunheim. The Warriors Three being Volstagg (Ray Stevenson), Hogun (Tadanobu Asano), and Fandral (Josh Dallas).
They go and beat up the Frost Giants, only to eventually be overwhelmed. King Laufey (Colm Feore) of the Frost Giants is not happy, but Odin comes in to save the day. Pappa Odin isn't happy with Thor disobeying and almost causing another war. Thor wants the War. Odin gets madder at Thor's arrogance and takes away his sweet powers. Thor is banished to Earth along with Mjölnir and he is promptly hit by an RV.
Herein lies my main issue with the first two "Thor" movies that I didn't initially have with them. While on Asgard it's too "Shakespearey." That should be expected with the first one, especially with Branagh directing, but it doesn't coincide with the tone of the rest of the film. The second film, which we'll get more into later is similar in this regard, and likely because they didn't know what to do with it so they decided to do the same thing again, only different. Which is why "Thor: Ragnarok"ended up working so well in comparison.
I thoroughly enjoy "Thor." Its laughs are great, they come at the right moments, the movie is well directed. It's just two different movies. Once you get past that, if you can, it's good. The fish out of water aspect of Thor's story on Earth is fantastic. Him acting like a Viking and being cocky and arrogant all the time is consistently funny, and likely only due to the charisma of Hemsworth in the role.
The other Earth characters are great too, however pointless they are so far. They all continue on into the sequel and other films of the MCU, Selvig also appearing in "The Avengers," and Jane set to return in "Thor: Love and Thunder," Darcy too, is set to return in the Disney+ series "Wandavision" (releasing January 15, 2021).
Side not on the Disney+ shows and other MCU related television, I may do reviews of the Streaming shows (Netflix and Disney+) on top of these twenty-three (+) movies. But I haven't fully decided yet, as it's quite an undertaking as There are thirteen seasons of six different shows out on Netflix already totaling 161 episodes. If anything those will be used as filler between future movies.
Back to our regularly non-scheduled review. The Earth homies are great, especially in contrast with Thor's Asgardian-ness. Darcy, while she may be the most pointless supporting character in all the MCU, is also, one of the best.
Her sole purpose, seemingly, is to deliver comic relief in this non-comedy focused MCU film. Selvig is a skeptical scientist who believes the science and not the magic stuff. Jane, like Selvig, starts off that way but is convinced by Thor that Science and Magic are one and the same, at least on Asgard.
Back with the plot, the science trio goes to the hospital after hitting him to get answers from Thor. Only to hit him again after his escape from said hospital - Laugh, it's funny. Meanwhile, a bunch of rednecks find Mjölnir in a crater and have a "try to lift the hammer" party. Redneck Stan Lee tries with his truck and loses the bed. On Asgard, Loki learns he is a Frost Giant baby, son to Laufey, and promptly yells at daddy Odin who decides to go to sleep instead of yelling back.
Back with the main four, Thor want's ANOTHER! coffee then leaves to find Mjölnir. Darcy, not knowing of Mjölnir, called it myuh-myuh, or mew-mew - laugh, it's funny. Selvig calls Thor a crazy person cause God's aren't real, at least not the Norse ones anyway, they're "children stories."
SHIELD shows up and takes all their scientific research for reasons that aren't given. National Security does not count as a reason, that's a vague excuse for being a dick, Coulson. Loki takes over as King in Asgard and doesn't let Thor come back at the request of Thor's Asgardian friends. Thor goes to a pet store and asks for a horse, but will settle for a dog/cat big enough to ride. Laugh, it's funny!
Jane takes him to the crater instead of Thor riding a giant dog. Only Thor can't lift the hammer. Also, Hawkeye is in this movie for like, 2 minutes - cool.
Broken by his unworthiness Thor is taken into custody by SHIELD. Loki visits him and lies (what a shock) about Odin being dead and their mother, Frigga (Rene Russo) forbidding Thor's return. Loki tries to lift Mjölnir but definitely isn't worthy. Selvig has a change of heart and rescues Thor claiming he's Dr. Donald Blake, gone mad after all his lovely research was stolen by them.
Here we have a call back to Thor's original comic book origins. Donald Blake was his alter ego, the person he would be instead of Thor on Earth, literally transforming between the two. Mjölnir even disguised as a walking stick. The whole movie is a rather faithful modern portrayal of the classic "no longer worthy" origin of Thor's involvement on Earth.
Moving along with the plot. Thor explains how all nine of the realms work to Jane. Heimdall helps Lady Sif and the Warriors Three go to Earth. Loki unleashes The Destroyer to go kill Thor and the warriors so he can stay king forever before he lets Laufey come kill Odin. Thor, to save all his Earth and Asgardian friends, faces the Destroyer weaponless, becoming worthy in doing so. Thor defeats the Destroyer summoning a tornado and shoving Mjölnir down its throat which causes it to explode from a build-up of its fire breath.
Thor returns to Asgard after aligning himself with SHIELD, through the best agent "son of Coul," set up for "The Avengers."
Loki does a double-cross on his alliance with Laufey upon Thor's arrival to save face and kills Laufey before he manages to kill Odin. Odin wakes up from his all-sleep. Thor and Loki fight. Loki's real plan was to destroy Jötenheim to earn Odin's favor and be accepted as a real Odinson. Thor breaks the rainbow bridge, which strands him on Asgard leaving him unable to return to smooch Jane some more.
Loki and Thor begin to fall and Odin saves them. Loki chooses to fall somewhere into space when his attempts to impress daddy failed. The movie ends with Thor and Jane, on Asgard and Earth respectively, being sad they can't smooch each other.
Post-credits Selvig meets with Fury and is shown the Tesseract, a magic blue cube of unknown power. Selvig is asked to study it. He accepts with a vision of Loki behind him suggesting Loki is somehow in control of Selvig.
"Thor" has the unfortunate issue of being two films at once, A serious Shakesperean drama about Norse Gods on Asgard, and a semi-serious tale of a Gods search for purpose on Earth. This limits the enjoyment of the film quite a bit and is the main reason it doesn't overtake "Iron Man" in the rankings. It does both movies well, but no movie trying to be more than one movie has ever been good. See "Star Wars Episode IX: The Rise of Skywalker" if you don't believe me, except that one was trying to be three movies.
The comedic moments work for me cause the director gets the timing right. The only issue is, that the comedy does not match the framing tone of the film. That's the issue with the Asgard stuff being taken as seriously as it is, when everything else, isn't. A jumbled mess of tone that leaves everyone confused over what type of movie they're watching.
I'm dreading the day I get to "Thor: The Dark World."
Official MCU 23 film ranking:
Iron Man
Thor
Iron Man 2
The Incredible Hulk
Coming up next: "Captain America: The First Avenger" (2011)
See what I did there? With the title? I combined 12 Years a Slave with Thor: The Dark World. I bet you wish you were that clever.
Truth be told I recently watched this episode and then went right out to find this gif. Then I found this:
and then I said "this is totally going in my blog!"
So, this past weekend I saw both of these fantastic movies. Fantastic in their own merits, one was your typical Hollywood blockbuster, and as an avid comic book viewer/reader/scholar I just love these movies for all the right (wrong?) reasons. But let's discuss Thor first, and then tackle the big bad 12 Years.
Oh yeah, Spoilers.
First things first, Thor: The Dark World is the better film of the two Thor movies so far. For quite a few reasons too. Now to list them, for your viewing pleasure:
An increased strong female presence
Not too much Loki, with the set up to a more Loki centered Thor movie, or even Loki spinoff
A good balance of action and comedy
Guardians of the Galaxy teaser
And now to tackle each of these points, one by one. First, the increased strong female presence. Natalie Portman's Jane Foster, is a integral part of the narrative, and she isn't just the damsel in distress archetype or the throwaway love interest she came off as in the first film. She, like Pepper did in Iron Man 3 helps to vanquish the "big bad" in the films climax, only not actually defeating him like Pepper did. It, in my opinion, is the single strongest role a female has had in the marvel movies, let alone a comic book movie, arguably second to Black Widow. She even slaps Loki, the villain of both Thor and The Avengers.
Help, it's mesmerizing. I think this proves that slap GIF's are the best GIF's.
and now... a few more slap GIF's to prove this irrefutable fact:
Kat Denning's character from the first film also has a larger presence, though not as huge. Lady Sif (and the Warrior's Three) and Frigga even take side seats despite being the bad-asses they are, this movie is more a Jane/Thor/Loki triple feature, and I loved every minute of it. If this is any indication of the way women character are going to be treated in these movies, the future looks bright. Now if only they'll give me a female super hero movie, I fear we may never get a solo Wonder Woman picture, at least there's that Netflix series on Jessica Jones coming soon (2015 soon).
Lookie, I has a source.
Now for point two, there wasn't too much Loki in it. He wasn't overused or over done. While this may upset the fan girls/boys I have no complaints. Hell, the conclusion of the film hints that Loki may get the focus of Thor 3 or even his own Spinoff movie. A boy can dream right? The good balance of action and comedy point sort of speaks for itself, as does point four. The first post credits scene is a tease for the upcoming 2014 Guardians of the Galaxy film which is going to be amazing guys, for serious.
The final fight sequence in particular constantly flips from comedy to action, seamlessly merging the two into one sequence without one overpowering the other. Thor's Hammer, Mjölnir, is thrown at some point in the conflict and several minutes of the ensuing fight is spent thinking with portals.
Thor goes through the portal narrowly missing the hammer, transporting himself across the universe, the hammer misses the portal and chases after him through space. Thor goes through another portal back to Earth and the hammer turns back around to get to Thor. It's the perfection of comedic timing.
As far as the stuff I didn't like, and the reasons why I'm going to deduct some points. are the points where they stray too far from their source material that the Thor movie universe is too dissimilar to the (at least current) comic universe. Frigga dies in the movie, and it is assumed that Loki even kills Odin, leaving himself in charge of Asgard. In the comics Frigga, following Odin's death, takes over rule of Asgard, and Frigga is a straight up bad-ass. But they went and killed her off, leaving little to no possibility (magic aside) of her taking over Asgard. It is because the world may never know the full extent of Frigga's bad-assery that I am deducting a few points.
Thor: The Dark World gets an 8.5/10
No list for discussion on this film, not because it was a bad film, no, in no possible ways was this a bad film. It was most certainly "The best" film I've seen this year. Visually this film has no equal yet, this year. This blows Prisoners out of the water, and remember how much I loved the visual aesthetics of that film. But seriously, if 12 Years a Slave were food, I wouldn't want to share it. I wouldn't want to share it so much, I'd become Joey Tribbiani.
That's how good this movie is. The shot's in it alone are masterfully crafted. As one would come to expect from Steve McQueen, whom in my opinion is one of the world's greatest living director's. So it's no real surprise that I loved this film. There's one shot in particular that alone deserves an Oscar. Just give it to someone for Pete's sake (and he returns, damn you Pete), if this gets snubbed I will lose all faith in the academy, all my faith.
The shot occurs when the films protagonist is left hanging in a tree, with his feet touching the ground. The camera remains in one place, as he hangs there, slowly shuffling his feet and spinning ever so slightly around. All this while time elapses in the background as if nothing happens. It's so physically painful to watch.
I seriously had trouble getting comfortable watching the movie. Not because the film made me necessarily uncomfortable, but because it basically rendered me unable to move. Which is apparently a thing. It's not a bad thing mind you, it's actually a good thing if I say so myself. Really it is, I just had to wait for scene transitions in order to adjust my position because I was so damn engrossed in the text of the film, which hasn't happened in quite a long time (the last time being with Fincher's The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo a few years back - which reminds me, Fincher, get on board with The Girl Who Played with Fire already). I still prefer the lighting of Prisoners to the lighting of 12 Years. Prisoners visually, in a lighting manner, is superior to 12 Years, that is likely because 12 Years goes for a "natural lighting" aesthetic to add more grit to it. Prisoner's is clearly key lit, in most of it's shots, a few remain without major lighting whatsoever, but that is all for the effect of that shot. I still love you Roger Deakins, but Bobbitt (12 Years' cinematographer) and McQueen are absolute master's of the craft.
There isn't much more I can say on 12 Years because I really don't want to spoil the plot - unlike Thor which I don't really care about spoiling. The performances are excellent across the board, even the minor roles are fantastic. Go see it. Now. Go. Like seriously. Go.
12 Years a Slave gets a 10/10
So, fun story. Friday night, technically Saturday morning, after watching Thor, my suite mate - the one who plays all the call of duty, is incredibly socially awkward, and is annoying, posted the following status on his Facebook: "It's sad to say this is my last night here at the college. And I still can't bring myself to terms to tell my roommates the news..." In confusion I went to tell my other suite mate about said Facebook status, I then went to go to bed. Roughly twenty minutes later, the two of them were talking in his room (the annoying one's room), which is next to mine, and I went out to see. He apparently wasn't doing too hot, no real surprise considering all he did was play video games, but seriously, he wasted nearly two and a half years of his life - he was a Junior. How the fuck can you be so irresponsible. Honestly.
College, as far as I have experienced, is not tough. It's not challenging. Especially when you don't do the party scene like I do. He even did less than I do outside of the dorm. I mean it's general knowledge...
... that you shouldn't play video games for ten hours a day every day, adding extra hours on weekends. It's just not good for you. Sure it's fun. But it's not fucking worth it. Especially when you've just managed to accrue quite the debt, that will most likely befall on your parents, because you lack the education to get a more respectable job, and you lack the social skills to get a "lesser" job. But come on man, it's just so damn stupid, I cannot believe your mom is okay with this, and I hope you do read this because someone needs to tell you that you are making a huge fucking mistake. For all the times I was picking on you, I apologize, but know man, that you needed help and that's sort of a form of correctional education. You pick on someone for doing something until they stop doing that thing. Yes, it's bullying, yes it was done to me, yes I stopped. But man, you can't even order your own food. You can't call a goddamn pizza place, say I want a large cheese pizza, and deliver it to Town Home X, thanks, bye, click. How in the world are you going to last in the real world on your own. I'm assuming you aren't. I'm assuming that you will be living with your parents for the foreseeable future. Which is fine, as I will be doing that until I get a car, then I'm moving as soon as possible, but I'm also assuming this will be rent free. Which isn't fine. In ways I'm glad he's gone. In others, I'm not. He still needs help with his social skills, and it's clear by the way he is, he isn't getting that from his home. But I figured that I would wake up at noon with time to say good bye to him, considering he was still awake at three in the fucking morning. But no, noon comes along and he's gone. He did leave me a bag of Salt and Vinegar chips. Which were delicious. Thank you. But still you're stupid.
I have no choice to digress or this is going to last forever. You want to ruin your life, because you don't want to do the college thing anymore, fine by me, I'm not going to stop you. I just hope you manage to develop proper social skills and do well out there. Good luck, you're going to fucking need it.
I apologize to my other two suite mates, you are not idiots. This is directed to the drop-out and the people enabling him.
Hell, I am a firm believer of live and let live, but I'll be damned before I let this slide without my opinions being put out there somewhere so that there's a chance for the immediate party to see what I have to say. But this is so fucking stupid, I can't bring myself to get over it. It's like he came here for two and a half goddamn years, just to sit on his fucking ass and do nothing, all while thinking he was just going to slide right on through college. How fucking stupid can you be. GOD. I quit. I give up. I give the fuck up.
I apologize to the haters of the word "fuck." Please understand that it is a brilliant word that can be used in so many ways. It is perhaps the most versatile word in the human language. As someone who does not subscribe you a dogma, I don't believe in the concept of "Curse Words" or "Dirty Words."
I'm just going to end this here, because honestly if I continue, it's just going to go right on back to my rant about how stupid he was for leaving. So here's a video on the aforementioned "F" word. If it offends you, you may not want to watch it. If it doesn't, then play the fucking video for fuck's sake, what the fuck are you waiting for.
